Sefton RUFC

Pre-Match

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Lucky to have any game at all today, with scheduled opposition Wallasey 2s not being able to field a team.

Fortunately, Port Sunlight’s scheduled opposition had cried off so we decided to go to Port for what was essentially a last minute friendly.

 

   

The Team

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It got tough.

When you’ve lost your ‘dependables’ like

  Brendo: “I’ve got to listen to my body”,

  Blandie: “taking the family to Asda, they’re open on Saturdays now”,

  Paddy: “its the plumber who will be coming today”,

  Dobie: “meeting someone in the park to show my penis”, and

  JP McDonald: “meeting new friends in the park”.

I was desperate.

Someone still had Colin Pascoe’s number, I wondered when he’d last played, it was a land line number.

I rang him, saying we needed a mature, solid 10, who covers a lot of ground.

There were only 12 of us but Wallasey had sent 2 guys that were older than me.

It wasn’t looking good.

  

  

The Journey

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We needed a big car, so I also had to pick Lanky.

He and I spent the the trip to Port shaking our heads, listening to the youth of today (Antony Hawksford and Daniel Craig): “Uni rugby is great, I get to wear my school girl outfit”. And there was talk of their favourite super hero.

Goulding contributed with his thoughts on the the size of the kerb at the Belle Vue McDonalds.

I found myself reaching for the blue clinky bag…

  

  

The Match

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Sefton got off to a good start before Port got into their stride.

They had 2 bearded centres, their Captain Cal, and this other guy who was a really good player.

Fortunately for Sefton, the good centre didn’t get much ball. He actually only touched it 4 times, and scored 4 times.

Sefton on the other hand, knew exactly who to throw the ball to.

Unfortunately, after Lawrence scored our first try, he limped off and vomited everywhere. He didn’t play for the rest of the half.

Sefton had to now play like a team. Passing the ball around to everyone, except Goulding.

   

  

The ME in TEAM

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haMEling, now back in his place as non captain utility back, has borrowed Campo’s Breast Support top, and initially tries to do EVERYTHING himself.

Unlike Campo, it gets embarrassing.

Outside him, has the tank-like Matty Williams, the pace of Lawrence on his white stead, and the self proclaimed bravado of Goulding.

But, whenever Colin gives sHameling the ball, he just steps back inside and tries to bulldoze the heavy Port pack.

When we had to play like a team, Hamling didn’t know what to do. I tried to explain the concept of passing to team mates.

Next time Hamling gets the ball, he passes to NOBODY and blames EVERYBODY.

Collectively, we are all to blame, but, we are all individuals…

  

  

Kicking Update

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The game was not long started. A friendly game, we thought.

Sefton were awarded a penalty on front of the Port posts. I thought a scrum would have been the best option, but Lanky strides in and insists on kicking for goal!

“Take the points. We’re not here to make friends”.

So, we are soon 3 nil up and the game is now deadly serious.

Step forward for the Conservatory Leadership Lanky!

   

  

The New Brendo?

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It is a bit worrying, but it looks as though new boy, Mikey Dempsey, has picked Brendo as a role model.

Today, with Brendo having already performed his ultimate disappearing act, Mikey steps up to fly the flag.

From the start, Mikey is ineffectual, avoiding the action like an old hand.

Then, out of the blue, he does his own disappearing act!

One minute he’s hiding on the wing, then, “poof”, he’s gone.

(Someone later said something about Mikey going on holiday).

  

  

A Rugby Playing Brendo

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The 2 lads from Wallasey, who, shall we say, were very experienced and solid, proved the difference today.

When we learnt that one was called Brendon, we thought Wallasey were playing some horrible sick trick on us, but he and Michael could not be faulted.

At our level, performance is judged on the number of mistakes you make, but these 2 guys helped our cause admirably.

After the game, the charm was applied, but they seem committed to Wallasey.

   

  

Sefton’s John Terry

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Antony Hawksford, perhaps affected by the talk of his school girls outfit, did not come back on for the second half, “feeling very light headed”.

Sefton suffered, with Mikey and Lawrence already off. Campo has to put on his 4th different shirt and 9 is probably not his best fit.

Sefton’s huge lead is soon whittled down by the persistent Portians, clearly Antony doesn’t like loosing, there’s no sign of him coming back on. Rumour has it, he’s gone to the changies to get ‘changed’.

Amazingly, in the last minute of play, Colin Pascoe falls over for what is the winning try, and then, faster than John Terry, here’s Antony racing back on, in proper rugby kit, ready for our victory celebrations!!

  

  

The Ref

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There’s an old saying that those who can, play, and those that can’t, ref.

Today we had a ref that clearly likes the power of the whistle.

Referee Chris proudly strutted around in his bright pink shirt, making us listen to him, and addressing him as ‘sir’.

No doubt this guy is a retail security guard or a doctor’s receptionist in his normal job.

    

  

Prognosis

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Lots of fun today, the game was really decided before the kick off, with Sefton winning the toss and electing to run uphill.

At the final whistle no one knew which team had won, such was the closeness of the conflict.

Great spirit again today, we look forward to hosting Port later in the season.

 

Yours, etc
Campo