Sefton RUFC

Pre-Match Build up

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Sefton had one objective today: an honourable exit of the Cup Competition.

(Those with even very short memories know that the only way out of Cup competitions is an 80 nil hiding away against some first team.)

So we travelled in the hope of some honest opposition and a referee with dodgy timekeeping.

   

At Oxton, in the changies we were met with a welcome bonus, Matt, from Oxton’s First Team.

It seems Matt is determined to uphold his mother’s honour, determined to avenge himself against many of the cavorting Oxton players.

We stand with poor Matt, avowing to punish the 30 odd Oxton players who were warming up sheepishly outside (and perhaps meet his mum later).

 

   

Game plan

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With no real pace in the backs, we decide to keep it tight in the forwards.

  

The Game

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Oxton had some pace out wide, and used it well.

Most of their tries were from Sefton mistakes, and the counterattacking was pretty ruthless.

  

The Scrums

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A tough day in the office today. The Oxton pack were like a pack of ox’s.

I counted 5 different Sefton props during the game, but to their credit, we did not go back, and won what we should have won.

Poor Richard had his regulation time out on the grass, complaining of “sore hair”, but managed to continue playing (after we told him we scored a try from his effort!).

   

Better to have loved and lost…

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Today, at Oxton, we welcomed back a slimmer Alex Evans, who only plays for the 3s at this venue.

Slimmer, it seems, for he isn’t feasting daily on Brazilian pie anymore.

But he has still got it, relishing the tough conditions and making quite a difference before having to go off with “shagger’s back - but it should be ok very soon”.

   

Than never to have loved at all…

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Alex’s brief love affair with the 3s was always on the cards.

Encounters based on short, quick spurts, embarrassed smiles and early exits.

We thank him for his contribution, he brought a touch of class.

   

  

Kicking Update

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Bizarrely, we had Brian doing some of our kicking today. Perhaps to avenge his kicking demons of 26 years ago.

I dig into the archives for Lanky’s Match Report of that day….

“Sefton had played beyond themselves to finally get in front towards the end of the game.

We were in a comfortable position, but our petulant winger, the slight Brian Gardiner (who was our Brendo of the time), decides on an individual chip and chase.

The ball is charged down, the opposition score, and the the game is lost.

(Editors Note: “Just who did Brian think he was? Tom Rainie?”).

After the try was scored, Brian collapsed in tears, holding his leg, saying it’s broken.

We all knew it wasn’t, but hoped Brian would go through with it and piss off for a season or two.”

(Them balls must’ve been pretty bad in the old days, if you broke your legs kicking them!)

   

Anyway, today, in a streak of Goulding-like luck, Brian’s initial clearing kick made good ground and found touch.

(Amazing! you may ask, WTF is Brian doing anywhere near the ball??

I tell you this with honesty. Brian stepped into the Number 10 position today.

Like an old, well filled sock, forcing itself into an old boot. We were desperate.)

   

Sefton soon had a penalty on the same side of the pitch (the right touchline, which was aided by a strong wind and suited Brian’s left foot).

Brian’s kick made it over the line, assisted by a bumbling Oxton winger (their Brendo).

But,  invariably, we come to Brian’s third, and last, kick.

A kick Brian shall hopefully wait another 26 years to repeat.

Sefton get a penalty, on the left side of the pitch (against the wind).

Clearly Brian couldn’t work out that he can’t face forward for this kick, but really should be facing straight left.

The kick was actually caught by Oxton’s Brendo, under the Oxton posts, and they led us a merry dance before scoring under Sefton’s posts.

  

  

Points of Note

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Talking about the old days. Well done to Paul Walker who played in the forwards today.

He started his rugby career here at Oxton over 62 years ago - this is where he lost his tooth!

Some of the Oxton players said their grandfather used to play with Paul.

Alas, Paul spent most of the game vainly searching the pitch, looking for his precious ivory.

  

Late in the game we were joined by a wandering Prenton stalwart, looking for a game.

He made a useful impact for Sefton, certainly we kept Oxton’s scoring in better check in the second half.

(Brian was later seen taking the old Prenton guy aside to discuss hair colouring products).

  

  

Injuries

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Today we welcomed a new player to the Sefton ranks, 21 year old Ethan, who was playing his first game. On the wing of course.

Resplendent in his new scrum cap (insisted upon by his girlfriend), young Ethan had a pretty quiet debut until the last play of the day.

Sefton, knowing that time was nearly up (the ref had stated he could only watch a dead horse being flogged for so long), were determined to score the last try, to claim a moral victory in the game.

We’d been pressing the Oxton line for like, more than 30 seconds.

The ball is swung out along the back line, somehow Blandie’s pass makes it to stand-in 10 Brian, who lets it bounce past him to Matty Williams, our prop in the centres.

Matty also lets the ball roll past him to the unsuspecting Ethan, who’s not even seen the ball all game.

Bravely, Ethan picks the ball up and begins a jinking, mesmerising run to the tryline. Oxton players are mounting on his back, he’s like a Sherpa on Brian’s all inclusive Himalayan holiday.

5 metres to go, Ethan breaks his ankle, both tibia and fibula are poking through the skin. He starts hopping on his good leg. No one can watch. He gets over the line.

This try means so much to him. We are thinking of a statue, in his honour: Ethan on a rearing horse. In bronze.

We could put it near Rodin’s “Hamling”.

  

“Last try wins”, changes the complexion of the whole day. The Sefton players carry Ethan on their shoulders through the dejected Oxton tunnel.

Ethan is dumped near Fazakerly A&E, in the culpable hands of his very unhappy girlfriend, Ratched.

Fantastic timing for his injury though - looks like he won’t miss any game time.

That’s commitment.

  

  

“Would you like fries with that sir?”

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A fine performance by young Dan from Rugby.

He was awesome at fullback today, stopping many Oxton onslaughts single-handedly.

One spectacular try saving tackle will remain in memory, with a leaping Oxton gazelle being grabbed by his ankle by Dan. The gazelle is floored from mid air, the ball is lost, the rout is halted and the moment is savoured. 

Comparisons are being made for Dan, some are referring to him as Sefton’s new Goulding!

Not for his actions of course, but for his bravado: “Did you notice all Oxton’s tries were scored when I was off the pitch with my sore shoulder?”.

  

  

Prognosis

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A big thank you to Oxton Matt, for his fine efforts today. A stand out Player for us, he really did his family proud, many Oxton players will certainly have second thoughts when drinking heavily in the future.

(We are not sure if Matt’s mother was happy, or sad).

  

Besides the somewhat one sided scoreline today, it was an enjoyable game, played in a good spirit. I’d like to think Sefton were competitive for a lot of the game, with most of the Oxton tries coming mainly from slick hands and slick outside backs.

  

We wish Oxton the very best in their Cup run. No doubt a 120 mile round trip to a huge Club determined to bring glory to their “3rd” team.