Sefton RUFC

Coincidently, it is 6 months to the day since our last Match Report, which was the last game of the Season, here at Oxton!

With so many similarities, I’ve just decided to do a cut and past job for today.

   

Pre-Match Build up

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Once again, Sefton are well short of a full team. But 8 willing men will go far.

The generous Oxton captain Kurt lent up 4 lads and we had the basis of a decent team.

With the dearth of rugby refs (apparently all the good ones are in France at the World Cup, and the shit ones have to ref up, leaving nothing at the lowest level), Oxton have dragged this old guy outa their bar and given him a whistle.

Game on!

   

  

Game Plan A

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We were gifted a match winner from Oxton before the game, the highly confident tattooed Chris.

Basically, all we had to do, was give him the ball, and he’d be round his cuddly opposite winger, and score every time.

Unfortunately, we struggled to keep the ball, let alone give Chris a chance to open his legs and show us what he’s got.

We reverted to type…

  

  

Game Plan B

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Make them score out wide.

This now, comes naturally to the Sefton 3s, and kept the score fairly respectable, with only 1 of the Oxton tries being converted.

    

  

The Engine Room

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Oxton, as usual, had a formidable front row, and our Richard immediately begs to be our number 8. Not having to prop, allows Richard some free reign to make some bollocking runs and only spending a couple of times on the ground holding his head.

We are fortunate that Oxton have lent us a formidable prop, aptly named, “The Swede” *. He holds one side of the scrum, with a willing Chris Lewis supporting the other.

In the Second Row, we have debutante Harry Gribbin, who relished in the wet, soft, slow conditions. Looks to be a good Club man. Dan Craig couldn’t play 007 in a 6 man scrum so he also hid in the second row.

The scrum honours are shared by both teams in the end.

   

Note: Our specialist Second Rower, Phil Ingham, is back after a 2 year lay off for a sore shoulder. He wants to take it easy before fully testing his shoulder, so I put him in at 10. Knowing the involvement Blandie normally has there, I figure Phil won’t even need a shower after the game.

   

* Those Clint Eastwood fans will remember this handsome beast in Heartbreak Ridge.

   

  

Kicking Update

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Thankfully, Brian was not with us today. I was just getting over the flashbacks from our last game here, where he made 1 good kick. (“You have 1 good kick…”).

And with old school Phil Ingham at 10, there was NO way we were going to be doing any of that fancy kicking stuff.

Mind you, there wasn’t many times we actually had the ball today.

As for bloody Oxton, they had this young kid who’d obviously been watching England play in the Rugby World Cup and kicked at every opportunity (hasn’t anyone spoke to this kid about the unwritten rule when teams are short of players??).

Anyway, the kicking was paying off for Oxton, with a floundering Lewis waving his arms hopefully under the high ball (does he work at John Lennon helping park the planes?).

Note: We were blessed today with a impressive ginger back 3, with Lewis at 15, new boy Wayne and Oxton’s Chris on the wings.

Wayne also had some panic moments with the kicked Oxton ball, consolidating Coach Jamie’s pre-game statement: “don’t let him near the ball”.

   

Anyway, I still had to make my standard, short, half time speech: “Do NOT kick the ball – it is better being on our try line with the ball, than without”.

Exactly 30 seconds later, Wayne picks up the restart, and hoofs it blindly up field.

You can imagine my incredulousness. “I thought you wanted us to kick”, beams Wayne. Apparently, the guy has kids…

   

  

Wayne’s World

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Finally, after months of anguish and frustration, with a repeated hamstring injury, we get to see Wayne have a game of rugby.

The anguish and frustration continued though, for the Sefton players who had to watch Wayne try to deal with the oval ball.

Clearly it is not like a soccer ball.

Fly Half Phil finally got the idea of placing the ball in Wayne’s hands, and pointed to the try line.

We were treated to a Goulding like run, lots of veering and slight changes of direction, mesmerising the Sefton players, and somehow avoiding the slow Oxton players.

On one of the occasions that he passed me, he asked if this game was being videoed!?!

Anyway, on a 100 metre pitch, he manages to score a 140 metre try, ending up under the posts.

  

About 10 minutes later, we see that he has caught his breath again, so we place the ball in his hands…

Off he goes. This is too easy.

Nearing the tryline, he is slowing. Is he trying to take his jersey off?

The Oxton formidable prop manages to run him down and stop the game changing try.

   

  

The Ref

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He wasn’t bad, considering.

It was lashing it down all game (with rain). The poor guy, who started off wearing coke bottle glasses, really struggled to see anything with the cascade of water over his face. Basically he played it safe though, awarding a scrum whenever anything was questioned and a try whenever the crowd roared.

When Wayne was scoring his try, for a short time running on the road adjacent to the pitch, the ref responded to the Oxton protests, “I haven’t been granted a linesman you know!”.

   

  

The Changies

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Excellent changing rooms there at Oxton, but pretty piss poor, dribbly showers. Poor Wayne was also complaining about the lack of hair dryers.

He is brushing his hair and saying, “this hair brush is so good, I stole it from my daughter’s bedroom”.

The follically challenged amongst us cast a dubious look at each other.

Dan Craig wonders over and asked if he can have a go.

Surely there is some unwritten rule about sharing hair brushes, or even just talking about them?

Oxton Paul and The Swede hastily grab their bags and get off.

   

  

Prognosis

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A big thank you to Oxton Paul, for his fine efforts today. A stand out player for us, he really did his family proud (I think all the Oxtonians are very closely related). Paul, we found out afterwards, has the uneviable task of looking after Sefton’s Sam

Gallear at their work. I wonder if he gets some type of carer’s allowance?

Oxton’s captain, Kurt, seemed to be everywhere on the pitch today. He was unbelievable.

(It wasn’t until after the game did I realise he had an identical twin brother!!).

   

Besides the somewhat one sided scoreline today, it was an enjoyable game, played in a good spirit.

Although we only took 8 lads, Oxton wouldn’t have had a game if we cried off, so a big thank you for all involved.

   

  

Post Game Addendum – The Blandie Update

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After the game, a few of the lads came up and said how much they enjoed the game today, there was no pressure, no shouting, no constant dropped ball or bad passes.

I said that Blandie couldn’t play because he had a birthday party to go to, at 2 oclock.

It was at the Belle Vale McDonalds, they had Face Painting and played Pass the Parcel (Blandie wasn’t allowed to participate, for some reason). There was Magician there too, conjuring up free drinks at the bar (Blandie thought he looked a bit like Lanky’s lad). A clown made a sword from a long skinny balloon (which made Blandie think of young Lanky in the shower).

  

  

Yours for yet another year,

Campo x