Sefton RUFC

The Crying Wall

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Gunna have to turn this phrase to “The Breakdown Crisis Centre” with the anguish and despair that Hamling suffered this week.

On Monday, his ‘loyal’ 2s had worked out that they were Away at Winnington Park. This is a journey that involves packed sandwiches and it was a sorry tale, reading the responses to Hamling’s call to arms.

Hamling is not normally phased with a poor 2s response, as he automatically dips into the 3s availability list.

But this week, he wants more, and there is no one to suit him. When you get turned down by Blendo and Brandie, you’ve gotta turn to God, the Gods and Allah.

Prayed out, he manages to get young Dan and Richard. Heaven knows what he’s offered Phil Ingham to make the journey for him.

Both 2s and 3s are on a bare minimum.

 

  

The Match

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For some reason, Sefton really cut down on their mistakes, and it made a difference today.

The forwards were pretty well matched (although the Wallasey pack ripped us new one at every scrum).

The Sefton backs had a bit of pace out wide, and a lot of our desperate passes were caught. They scored most of the tries.

Unfortuantely, Blandie is a back, and he also scored a try. The bell behind the bar was rung, for Blandie to pronounce his achievement after the game.

Also, Wallasey probably made more mistakes, but had a 10 that could pass and direct play. We had Blandie at 10.

   

  

Jug Evasion

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Young Dylan at fullback continues to gain confidence, and made a lot of very fast yards today. Scoring 2 early tries, we were rubbing our hands together with the thought of a ‘Hat Trick Jug’ being on the cards.

But young Dylan is no fool, and he purposefully avoided his third try, by being generous to his supporting backs.

  

  

Kicking - General

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Fortunately, I cannot recall of any Sefton ‘general play’ kicks today.

It is well worth mentioning one of Wallasey’s ‘general play’ kicks though, which still brings me a smug smile.

The young Wallaseyian 9, who I thought was their man of the match, has clearly been watching too much International Rugby.

We’ve all seen England get a penalty in the opposition 22, and Farrell hit a pin point cross field kick to his far winger, who has sprinted down his touchline, to take a flying catch and score.

Today, Wallasey got a penalty in our 22, and their 9 hits a cross field kick to a sprinting winger.

But the kick goes backwards, unfortunately. Very far backwards.

And out on the full.

As we jovially jog back to the halfway line, I ask the ref should the lineout be taken where the ball was kicked from, or where it went out. He said it really deserves to be where it went out.

  

  

Kicking - Restarts

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Blandie just doesn’t give up here.

It’s like a control thing. He wants the ball in his hands, and everyone to be watching / waiting on him.

He probably holds an intimidating cane in his Reception Class where he teaches.

The kick offs and restarts. “Sir, sir. Which side do you want us?” we ask.

Blandie makes us wait, its as if he is thinking. But he always says, “Forwards left”. I don’t think he has the capacity to kick to the right, as he is right footed.

We all line out to the left, and every time, Blandie kicks straight down the middle, where the opposition shift it to our depleated right.

    

   

Injuries

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It seems Darrell Smith’s little finger has not made a full recovery, and he has not appeared today. We wish him well in his recovery, and have chipped into buy some electrical tape.

Baby Dan had to start the game. Something he is unfamiliar with. He suffered an early head knock and had to go off. In the bar afterwards, he was still suffering the dizzying after effects. He made it home safely though.

  

  

Big Joe’s “Try”

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Gotta still hand it to Joe. God likes a trier.

Fair enough, he has only just started playing rugby, so we need to cut him a bit of slack.

Last week, I’m not sure if I mentioned his soccer-like dive when he was clear through a gap with only the try line in front of him, but again today, he shat himself when it came to producing the goods.

Sefton were pressing the Wallasey tryline, and Joe, managed to pierce through the resolute defense, he has a clear run to the tryline, and only 10 meters to run this week.

There’s no one around, Wallasey have conceded him his try, and he runs through the posts, over the tryline, and drops the ball.

WTF?? We stand aghast.

Joe is looking sheepish.

Has he been watching the American Football, where the ball only has to be carried over the tryline, and not grounded??

Poor Sefton suffered new levels of vicarious embarrassment for Joe, with most of us having to explain,again, to the opposition that “it’s his first game ever – he plays soccer”.

We await in anticipation how Joe can screw up next week.

I’ve been thinking though, that we should lock Joe away in a darkened room with Dobie for a while. Hopefully he’ll learn a bit about the art of Second Row, which has some pretty specific rules about involvement with the ball (Rule 1: Do Not Touch the Ball). There’s also a lot of other similar stuff in regards Thinking and Making Decisions.

How we even allowed a Second Rower to Captain the First Team is still subject to an Inquest (I think there was a lot of beer involved). Thankfully, Christian Caine finally stepped down this week, and the Firsts now seem to be running on all cylinders.

   

  

Sefton’s Tvvat of the Match

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A number of candidates here.

I don’t usually put myself forward for many accolades, other than Player of the Match, but today, I will agree with what everyone has always said. I had a shocker. Dropped balls, wild passing, bad decisions. Loads more than usual. I had an ‘assist’ in every try today, by NOT being involved.

Big Joe, for his extraordinary try line behaviour, has to be mentioned here. But fortunately this week, he has not cost us the game.

Today, by an overwhelming majority vote, glamour boy Wayne gets the award.

In a game that is played solely for the enjoyment of those with the lowest skills of rugby, where some players really only turn up for a shower and a beer, we have a guy that is straight off the junior school playground, who clearly hasn’t had much to celebrate in life.

Late in the game, with the result clearly decided, with Wallasey noticably edging towards the Sefton showers, Dylan sprinted all the way down the pitch, and looked to score unhindered under the posts.

But there is Wayne chasing after him, shouting something about not being greedy and giving someone else a chance, so Dylan hands Wayne the ball to score instead (luckily Wayne didn’t have to catch it).

Those of us who have had children, all know that they have 1 objective in life, and that is, to embarrass their parents.

Wayne, decides not to score immediately, but rather taunt the opposition, and more so, humiliate, by association, his fellow Sefton team mates.

Pointing to the sky with his right hand, he begins strutting around the in-goal area, then doing a little dance (I had downcast my eyes by then, but someone mentioned ‘twerking’). The Homer-esque performance went on unbearably, filling every bit of the scale from Shameless to Shameful. Eventually the referee had to threaten a red card.

The game, thankfully, was immediately brought to a halt before either the Wallasey or Sefton players could deal out some comeuppance.

Sadly, the big difference with your own children though, is that you can give them a good hiding when they get home.

  

  

Sefton’s Man of the Match

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With there being a number of fine performances this week, it was hard to single one person out.

I find that it is best to practice tough love, so I won’t go singing his praises which may give him a big head, or even mention his name.

Le’ts just say that it looks like the Sefton 3ws have finally found themselves a number 9.

After many years of having to put up with Blandie.

This guy won’t kick. In fact, I don’t think he can kick.

He won’t take that quick tap and dart off into isolation and turnover land. Quick and dart are not even in his vocabulary.

He won’t join that ruck, so he is there to distribute the ball instead. He’s pratically written the book on ‘Action Avoidance’.

And, he’s an Aussie.

(you may be able to work it out).

   

  

Prognosis

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Our first win of the season!

Congrats to the 3s, after 8 straight losses, we finally get a “W”.

It is hard to figure it out, I always write about how brilliant we are, but we have always lost.

I have looked back, and tried to determine what was different today, to see how we can improve.

Basically, in all our 8 LOSSES so far, we were playing WITH Matty Williams.

And today’s awesome VICTORY, we were WITHOUT Matty Williams.

Now, I’m no rocket surgeon, but I am going to be seriously extolling the Brilliance of Matty Williams at Team Selection on Tuesday night. He is too good for the 3s really.

Talking about promotion…

Big thank you to those guys that stepped up to alleviate the Hamling breakdown. Young Dan, Phil, Richard, its been nice having you, but we wish you well on your career. Good luck with the 2s from now on – may there be no turning back for you.

 

Yours, etc

Campo