Sefton RUFC

Sat 13 Apr 2024

Sefton 2nd XV

5 - 70

Ellesmere Port 2nd XV

Sefton 2nd XV

Ellesmere Port 2nd XV

As the end of the season approaches, there is a noticeable difference in availability. This week the Grand National could be the reason for the lack of interest.

This effect starts in the first team, and travels down through the lower teams. However, this lack of availability develops opportunity for players in the lower teams. Players that never dreamed of playing first team rugby are handed a golden ticket. This week’s opportunists Wayne Bansnott, and Dan Harrington fit this profile, and cheaply accepted the title of FTW’s. Let's hope they packed their brown shorts.

Left with a mishmash 2nd and 3rds team combo, Sefton second team unknowingly faced an Ellesmere Port team boosted by their first team, who didn’t have a match this week.

A confident James sHambling declared, we are going to batter these! The first big mistake from our captain. Everyone immediately relaxed, expecting an easy stroll through at a leisurely pace. Some players didn’t even do their hand exercises, thinking, I’m not even going to have to touch the ball today.

- Second mistake -

I’m no tactician, but even I know that if the opposition have a huge front row, you match them by putting your most experienced front row against them. Kev Mainwarring is put at eight, and Chris Lewis, a novice, in prop terms, is placed in the lions den. The front row held their own, but it wasn’t pretty at times, with the ball quickly scrambled out the back.

Which comes to sHambling’s third mistake. I’m going to leave my experienced scrum half on the bench, and put someone relatively new to the scrum half position. Poor Brendo didn’t have a chance, with a pack that was unstable, the opposition had also figured out that Brendo, was not the fastest ball handler, (even comparing his ball passing skills with Blandie), and they targeted him immediately. The opposition back row were licking their lips, it was like a lamb to slaughter.

I could forgive this early lack of judgement from sHamling, but after Ellesmere Port ran in their fifth try, you would have thought something was afoot,. As we trundled up, and down from restart to our posts in a never ending loop. In the end we left the drink bottles behind the posts, and the opposition's conversion kicker kept his kicking tee stuffed in his sock, to save time.

Apart from some sporadic runs by Liam Brown, Sefton hardly touched the ball. The chance of the ball getting anywhere past stand-off where minimal, with Dave Murphy, and Steve Kidd rarely touching the ball in the centres. sHambling stubbornly persisted.

Defensively, Sefton was also poor, allowing Ellesmere Port to run through the middle of the defence. In fact it says something when Jay Goulding is your best tackler on the team. This mainly came from the restarts, chasing up the kick, and tackling the ball receiver. Restarts were something that Sefton had plenty of practice at. sHamling’s talk behind the Sefton posts were getting shorter, and shorter.

sHambling eventually capitulated towards the end of the first half, switching Kev Mainwarring to prop, and Sefton eventually got a stable scrum.

- The only Sefton try -

There were few opportunities for Sefton to score, but most were created Liam Brown’s aggressive running, using a strong hand to barge his way through, (some hand-offs on his own players), as he randomly picked an unpredictable pathway. In the final play of the first half, Brown found a route out wide, and was through to face the full back. An inside ball to a supporting Adam Hunter allows him to score under the posts. sHambling expertly hits the post on the conversion, to deny Sefton the extra points.

Second half, and Blandie eventually comes on at scrum-half, but the damage had already been done. To make matters worse, he takes Goulding off, our best tackler (yes, I can’t believe I’m saying it), and puts Sean Muirhead on, who obviously thought we’re playing touch. I commend Sean’s delusional state, convincing himself that he can play rugby. He’s like one of those X Factor contestants who can’t understand why Simon Cowell hasn’t put him straight through to the final, and keeps coming back, year after year.

To ease his own pain, sHamling also brought Campo on. At least Campo could take on the role of team motivation, when behind the posts. His vast experience in this area, would ease the never ending feeling of doom felt by the players.

I won’t talk about the second half, it felt as if the refs watch had stopped, but sHamling insisted on playing through to the end. A character building exercise some sadists would say. It says something, when experienced weather worn Sefton supporters, who persevere watching the first team's dreadful performances every week, walk away at half time saying to late arrivals, “you don’t want to watch that”.

Sefton stuck at it though, thankfully we had plenty of third teamers in the side, who are experienced in humiliating results. They managed to pull us through, reassuring us, the pain will soon end.

Not much positives for sHamling to convey, other than we stuck at it, no one died, and it was better than an afternoon in IKEA, trudging up and down in an endless loop, with no end in sight.........Oh!

A much more experienced opposition side capitalised on Sefton’s misfortunes. Man of the Match was a struggle for sHamling with no Kyle Noon to choose. Liam Brown played well, and Steve Kidd looks like a promising talent. In the end it went to his second favourite player, Tom Rainey who at least got round the pitch.

The penultimate game for Sefton seconds next week, another home game, let’s hope my nightmares, and cold sweats have stopped by then.

At the end of the match I tried to console Brendo, saying it wasn't that bad, but even I struggle to polish a shit. Telling him, he was still the best Australian in the club, brightened him up though.

Club award dinner this Saturday, knowing my luck I will be sitting between Goulding, and Muirhead.

Lanky