Sefton RUFC

Sat 1 Feb 2025

Sefton 2nd XV

89 - 8

Prenton 2nd XV

Sefton 2nd XV

Prenton 2nd XV

Fritzel, Stalin, Clarke, what’s with these Joe's, megalomaniacs, at least sleepy basement Joe could keep his mouth shut. Our resident Joe is now drunk with power, we fear he has gone too far. Leading us to ask "who is Joe?"

The two's may be top of the league, but like Isaac at Asian night, you have to watch what’s behind you at all times.

- Pre Game -

Where did this plethora of great players come from? Handing about 7 studs to the 3's and that’s with the 10 or so people not available this week. Who is to blame for this good fortune? The playing prez? John Paul Terry? It is in fact the ones, and our noisy neighbours.

There's only one thing that could disrupt the 2xvs now: WW3. Two massive superpowers have now formed in the 1's acting as each other’s deterrent: the Caine Clan and the Welsh. Recruitment is rife, ringers being dragged from Sleepy Welsh villages to aid the cause. Who is going to be Franz Ferdinand here, we will find out.

I don’t know where I stand, I'm slightly related to the Caine's and partially Welsh, though neither side has taken up my offer for assistance.

Speaking of the Welsh, we may have lost Welsh JJ for the season, and it may be my fault. He feels lied to and deeply betrayed. I told him we were playing some Wools, piquing his interest. He sent his wife away for the day for a spa day, I’ve offered to reimburse him.

After losing about 4 players to the 1s and 3s, we were down to 4 Subs, which turned out to be half the players Prenton brought. In the attempt to make a game out of it for our new players we gave them 4 players, myself, Lanky, Eddie ‘all cock’ Alcock and a drafted in Paul Murphy.

Before I have time to put someone like a Dave or Rainey as captain, Liam Brown strides over and announces himself captain for Sefton, which would have disastrous implications later….

- The Game -

Quite probably our best squad when all 3 teams were playing, the depth was astounding, a bench full of dynamite. Prenton looked like that scene from Lord of the Rings, Two towers where they were giving swords to battered old men, and horrified young boys.

The game starts

Sefton Crash the ball up, sucking Prenton in, at 10 I’m forced to stand at the edge of the ruck with Elliot, Tom Rainey and Luke Griffiths forming a menacing pod, this was going to hurt and it did, after stopping them by getting successfully speed bumped, I look up to see the ball flying through the hands at an incredibly high level, tries by Ste Kidd and a big Andy step fest boxed off. Wayne Banthorpe shortly after went route one from a scrum and just smashed his way through to score in the corner.

Other people scored, probably Gorgeous and Rainey, they score a lot, and after about 20 minutes, Prenton were down a lot. Elliot switched teams to even things up, although at this point it was like putting a band aid on one of many shotgun wounds. But with the extra players and great play from Eddie ‘all cock’ Alcock and a resilient Prenton, the game slightly evened up, allowing Sefton to practice their tackling.

The lowlight of half comes when Wayne Banthorpe, still trying to outdo his two cohorts, outpaces his man into the corner, and instead of putting the ball down decides to wander around the try area shouting I’m the man, who’s the man? I’m the man. He was eventually tackled and knocked the ball on. The shame of his sheer hubris caused him to ‘pull his hamstring’ and leave the pitch.  (if it's in writing this is what happened)

The second half saw Lanky switch for Matty Cunningham, Eddie Alcock switch for Luke Griffiths and Paul Murphy switch for Jack Meggit. Prenton actually gained some great territory, camped out in Sefton’s 22, a try was scored with Jack crashing over. 50 to 5 down the comeback was on.

It wasn’t, more tries from Rainey, Dave and Ste kept the score ticking. A great try was scored by Kyle Sharples, a rare misguided pass by Dave was fired at Liams foot, bouncing off, and flying over the winger’s head for Kyle to dot down.

Okay fine I admit it, Liam did a brilliant inch perfect Crossfield kick, perfectly timed and executed, but don’t do it again. Liam was brilliant throughout, now he’s a passer, he makes a great fly half, he’s good, he’s very good, he’s Andy Goode. He’s fat.

I hit a drop goal, why?* Why not if you’ve seen me pass it's probably a safer option. I was feeling confident; though this quickly disappeared a break by Jack Meggit was passed on to a Prenton player who had a 3 on one, on one side was me screaming for the ball, and the other was an injured 50-year-old prop hobbling on one leg waving his arms imploring him to not give him the ball. He gave him the ball. I may have to take the hint and up the favours I give JP as his ‘right hand man’.

*Editors notes: Why drop kick indeed, Sefton were already fifty plus points ahead, three points wasn't going to make a difference. I suggest it's because sHamling is a Donald Trump fan (everybodyl loves me, and I'm going to make Sefton great again), who has egotistical traits, with sociapathic tendencies. But that's just a guess, I'm no psychiatrist.

A final try was scored by the club’s 14^th Welsh man Steff, scoring a cracking break away, he was a menace all day with his speed, passing and stepping, he’s destined for the Welsh team, I mean first team.

So many great new showings: Elliot hits like a truck, Andy's step at the line is a thing to behold, and Steff didn’t put a foot wrong, Liam bucked the unspoken Man of the Match tradition of giving a new guy MOTM to give it to Diamond Joe, in what seems to be some mentor protégé, Greek thing.

It’s a shame this team couldn’t play a full 15, so we could see the damage it could inflict, but credit to Prenton for turning up with 9. We've all been through these tough games, these things go in cycles, it makes the future wins even more sweet.

- Isaac's Asian night -

Who is Isaac Lancaster? the man with the hairstyle of a Bulgarian food vendor leaving the club to enjoy some Asian cuisine, why leave? What about Temu Richard at the club? What’s worse is he’s corrupting sweet young Jackson. Hopefully some time in the 3s will help him figure things out.

- Who Is Joe Clarke? -

The butterfly effect, small decisions snowballing to massive consequences. It feels like Liam brown has set off chaos. Giving Joe Man of the Match has left him like Wayne at a daytime rave but Joe is sober. He claimed after the game that Man of the Match should be called Joe of the Match, and anytime someone other than him has won this season, they were simply being awarded second best player.

But who is Joe Clarke? It's hard to say, he’s an enigma, he’s rougher than a badger’s arse, but wears silk underwear. He’s a no-nonsense ex-boxer, but he’s scared of his wife.  He spent 20 years travelling the world as a goalkeeper teaming with part time Italian footballer, part time scuba instructor, part time supermodel, Fran Volante. Now at the behest of his friend/landlord, Lord Banthorpe, he’s taken up rugby.

Whats next for Joe Clarke, and how will if effect the mighty 2xvs? We will soon find out.

Shamling