Sefton RUFC

Well done again to the captains for getting three teams out this week. Sefton's 2nd team had a strong side out for the return leg at Birchfield.

Another clash with top of the table Calibur competition showed Sefton’s improvements from the beginning of the season, with a hard-fought game.

This week the second team were able to take three subs, and how was this possible? A post-Christmas influx in players? Bribery with the offer of free drinks? Nope, it was down to Goulding’s massive popularity. We are all a bit perplexed, it’s like a stag do when your friend is totally unrecognizable, acting totally different with his other separate groups. Leaving us to ask, why do we get the shit version of Goulding?

- Pre-game -

There is a worrying trend appearing in the 2nd team, and I hope it's not spreading to the other teams. It started with Mark Dobie a couple of weeks back, when he sported his full leg coverage tights. This week, Chris Brogden followed suit, with his own neoprene fetish apparel.

About 15 of the 18 players managed to get to Birchfield for 1.00, leading to a great warm-up. This thoroughly prepared the team for the battle to come, with non-playing captain, Kev Mainwaring obviously looking on the dark Web for the most extreme stretches.

On field captain sHamling's pre-game speech was about supporting each other instead of criticising each other. This had a positive impact, though we didn’t quite reach positivity, but settled for passive aggressiveness. Instead of screaming "why didn’t you pass me the ball!" A player would ask, "could you explain your decision to ignore the overlap, take the ball into contact, and get turned over, please?"

 

- The game -

  Sefton were expecting a tough game, and met the opposition head on. The first skirmishes seemed to cancel each other out, with Birchfield running hard, but meeting a solid defence. Their game plan was clear, smash the ball up a lot, and grab whatever they could, and that they did, in a below the belt, painful sort of way.

Sefton's set pieces started well, winning all their line outs, and holding steady in the scrums. However, frustratingly, against the run of play, Sefton found themselves a score down. Birchfield, with their effective line running finally finding a gap in the Sefton line.

The biggest game changer was an ankle injury to Matty Williams, formally known as crappy Williams, or flappy Williams. He’s now a rugby God, the lynch pin of our set piece, a one man wrecking crew in the scrum, and the finest lineout operator in the land. Our game wasn’t the same after he got injured, heck our lives haven’t been the same. Wayne has only made sweet love to his wife 7 times in the past 3 days (allegedly), Joe is barely self-promoting, and I swear I even saw Isaac walk past a tree without stopping.

 

Despite losing pretty much all set pieces from now onward, Sefton still had some great opportunities, the back three of Danny, Isaac and Seb making big yards. One move by Seb Hannibal, utilising his unique ice-skating half sprint, got him within a few yards of the line. A clever kick through by Ben Rowlands led to him being taken out, off the ball. However only a yellow card, and a penalty was awarded, not a penalty try. Several attempts at the line were unsuccessful before Sefton found themselves defending their own line.

 

- Joe's silky skills and short term memory -

Now as we all know Joe Clarke has to wear silk underwear due to a medical issue, which we now know is ADHD. At a lineout by our own line he took our brand-new starlet Harry Mawdsley and launched him 10 feet in the air. Instead of bringing him down safely, he forgets, and wanders off to play with some leaves. Joe turns around to see Harry in a heap on the floor holding his knee; totally unaware of the damage he’s done. He’s basically our Lenny from Of mice and men.

- Kicking Update -

Colin Pascoe would have been proud of it. With ball in hand, Chris Brogden goes on the attack, until now kicking behind the opposition defence, or finding a gap to exploit. This we're very happy with, but that isn't good enough for our calendar boy. With an image in his head, he puts a cross field kick toward Seb Hannibal on the far wing. Now in Chris' mind Seb runs onto it without breaking stride, and skips round the flaying winger to a glorious try under the posts. In reality, it is quite different. Seb doesn't have to move at all, as the balls trajectory takes it five metres backwards, and over his head into touch., with Chris, hands in the air, saying, "why didn’t you catch it?"

At half time, Sefton find themselves two tries down, one propping machine injured and many willys nearly wrenched off by Birchfield (glad were not playing them again).

The second half is much the same, Birchfield playing incredibly physical rugby and twisting wangs. Sefton playing some really good stuff, yet let down by our set piece. Unfortunately, Chris Brogden gets injured, but this gives Tom Donnally a well-earned chance to play fly half. There was some really good play from subs Ste Kidd and new boy Josh Ward, making great yards.

Our well-deserved try came from a quick tap from Harry catching Birchfield off guard. The ball went out wide, and was scored by Ben Rowlands. Converted by inside centre/prop/number eight sHamling.

A 31-7 loss to second in the league doesn’t tell the whole story; it was a massively improved and competitive performance compared to the first game of the season. We are starting to play like we belong in this league, even if the scoreboard doesn’t agree.

 

Man of the match went to new boy Harry Mawdsley, who was ferocious around the pitch always looking to get involved, never taking a backwards step, and always looking for the action

 

- In other news -

Sebastian Hannibal: the man the myth, the legend

 

The biggest positive of this season for the 2's has been the introduction of a cool Seb to the club. He brings immense speed (when he wants to, sometimes he wants to cha cha), and pound for pound the biggest hitter the club has seen in a long while. He’s also just a great guy, the only problem is he won't shower with us; which is the main reason most of us play rugby. His tallywacker has now gained mythical status; an unanswered question like what’s in the briefcase in pulp fiction? Resident pecker checkers such as myself, Wayne, and Ben Webster need answers.

 

Any information will be greatly appreciated.

 

 The search continues

Yours, Hamling.