Sefton RUFC

His skin tone, his stares, and how he walks with confidence.

His body so serious, smooth just like silk, a tonic for the eyes.

Like a beautiful flower, everyone in appreciation.

Earth angel, action hero, friend of wild animals.

Tall and lovely, slim and strong.

When he walks, everyone he passes by, all eyes in awe.

Who loves...Acheles, Aris, Mark, Michael, George, John and Dave.

They are gorgeous people.

'Perfect Men' by Hugo Sarvida jr.

Yes, he's back! You could say players were happy to see Dave Almond returning, but that would be an understatement. The ripple effect of excitement flowed through the team. After being out since last season, the long wait was over. He was like a soldier returning after 4 years of war, with his sweethearts waiting for him. Yes, there was a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree.

To be honest, it got a bit embarrassing in the end, grown men throwing themselves at him, declaring their undying love for him. It was real bromance stuff. The messiah has returned, he will heal the sick, feed the hungry, be the saviour of mankind. Gorgeous had a lot to live up to.

All the frivolity, and the flirting distracted from the fact the seconds had a match to play. However, the return of the king incited new confidence in the side. A strong side was gathered for the encounter with Newton-le-Willows, and everyone was ready to do battle.

Well not everyone. Lawrence Twycross obviously didn't get the memo about Gorgeous' comeback. He cried off Saturday morning, because he was ill. I am beginning to see a pattern in young Lawrence behaviour, he is not the manly, kilt wearing Scotsman he perceived to be. In fact, I would go as far to say, he's a wee bit delicate. Yet again, I suspect it is drink related, which puts incredible shame on real Scotsmen. I can picture Haggis shaking his head in disappointment. Now there was a real Scotsman who loved to drink, and damn the consequences! And there was a lot of consequences when it came to Haggis.

Despite the let down, we still had 17 good players.......X

Despite the let down, we still had 16 good player, and Dobie. We would just have to decide which of the heavyweight forward we're going to throw up in the lineouts now Lawrence had deserted us. Captain Mainwaring did not think this through.

A few options were tested, including young Seb being propelled into the air. If anything was concluded, it was that it's not only white men that can't jump,  as his legs went astray,  like a giraffe on rollerskates. Eventually it was decided that sHamling would be the air ballerina.

- The Game -

What a great start, within minutes Sefton we're on the scoreboard. A crossfield kick by Chris Brogden is collected by Seb Hannibal out on the wing. The incredibly quick, but frustratingly nonchalant winger managed to beat his opposite winger, and was round under the posts for a try. Converted by Chris Brogden.

What a great start! I hope we don't get too clever about our kicking game, and start to kick everything!

- The kick is only as good as the chaser -

The next kick goes straight down the pitch, and their fullback collects it. With just Isaac Lancaster chasing the kick, their young, quick fullback had acres of space to run into. In fact the rest of the Sefton team were so far back, their fullback was on Sefton’s twenty-two before any sort of defence stood in front of him. Two quick passes and the scores were all square.

I'd like to say we learnt from our mistake, and restrained from the kicking game. Sefton we're dominant in the scrums, driving Newton off a lot of their own ball. Likewise, the lineouts were also secure, with sHamling doing a superb job in the air, and disrupting a lot of the opposition’s.

Surely, with having secure ball in the set pieces, and majority possession of the ball, all we needed to do was use our heavy forwards (we had a whole pack of them), to crash the ball up. Once space was created, our backs could find the space, and finish the job.

Did we do this?

After five unreplied tries, Sefton find themselves 33 - 7 down

- The Lightbulb Moment -

It is the last play of the half, and Sefton have possession of the ball. A little break close to the ruck by Gorgeous puts Newton on the back foot. The forwards continue the momentum, and gaps appear in midfield. The ball is released out to the backs and homeless Andy is through under the posts. Converted by Chris Brogden.

Aah, keep the ball!

Half time was a lot of berating, mainly about Sefton’s ability to tackle. sHamling claimed that "we're all tackling like girls". Which was a bit derogatory, especially when the water girl, Mrs Lanky, (probably the best tackler in the club), was stood next to him at the time. Big Joe took a step back, away from the danger area. Luckily, for sHamling, I don’t think she was listening.

Second half started like the first, with Sefton immediately on the front foot. Surprisingly, we found out that Newton wearn't that good in defence. A crash ball close to the opposition’s line by Giz is supported by the rest of his pack, and he is driven over under the posts for a try. Converted by Chris Brogden.

Continuing the pressure on Newton and they were again in disarray. This time the backs applied the pressure. Wayne Banthorpe making life difficult for their backs. Another piercing run by homeless Andy and he is again through under the posts for his second try. Converted by Chris Brogden.

Newton walk back to the centre in a slow, lethargic pace. At the restart, it's big Joe that takes the ball up, hitting the opposition like falling skittles. A gap opened for Gorgeous, and with open space around him, he was able to pull the last defender in. This allowed him to put Seb Hannibal through on the wing, and over for his second try. Converted by Chris Brogden. Sefton we're 2 points ahead.

- The Cost of Discipline -

The hard work was done, Newton we're down and out, broken and tamed. It was for Sefton to lose now. Then the penalties came.

Three quick penalties in a row gave the opposition field position, and they kicked for the posts to edge into the lead by 1 point. This gave them hope.

Newton increase their score with a try, again off Sefton’s bad discipline.

Tom Donnally comes on to puts some stability in the backs, but the penalties keep coming, and Newton manage to score a try out wide.

Sefton finally manage to get back on track. A break by Wayne Banthorpe allows Sefton to find a foothold in the opposition’s half, and from there Gorgeous is able to go over under the posts for a try. Converted by Chris Brogden.

One score behind, and Sefton go for the win. A few chances go to Isaac Lancaster on the wing, but the passes were behind him, and the momentum is lost. A penalty finally goes Sefton's way and the kick for the corner is chosen. Unfortunately, it doesn't find touch, and the opposition have an easy let off. With time running out Sefton still press for Newton's line, however, the ball is lost and the opposition are able to score a breakaway try in the final play of the match.

A great game, and the ref was excellent, which makes a big difference. Although Sefton came out on the wrong side of a win, performances are gradually improving. The backs we're particularly on form, and whether this was down to the delivery at scrum half, I couldn't tell. It probably was. Chris Brogden was immense in defence, and the centre partnership of sHamling and Banthorpe worked well, with Tom DoDonnally coming on later and proving equally effective. Another strong performance by homeless Andy allowed Sefton to come back in the second half.

However, none of these got Man of the Match. As usual with Kev it was full of indecision. It's like his linelineout calls, taking a minute to decide where to throw. We only had one jumper, should we throw to sHamling, or throw a sneaky ball to sHamling?

Eventually, he decidecided both a back and a forward deserved it. Not surprisingly his favourite back, Seb Hannibal got it. Good job he can't jump or he would have got forward and back MotM. Forward of the match went to Dobie, DOBIE!. Talk about care in the community, Lanky one week, then Dobie. Apparently, he got it because he was always in the right place. That's not talent, that's just not moving. Waiting for the game to come to you, that's my game plan every week, he stole it off me! Dobie is only good for one thing, upsetting the opposition. Actually, he does take a good photo, two things.

After all the hype, Gorgeous managed to live up to his reputation, yes he limped off in the final play. A true Man of Glass, Joe would be so proud.

As for Mrs Lanky, she set off cycling back to Liverpool. We tooted, and had a little chuckle as we passed her on the East Lancs Road, an hour later. I didn't stop.

Yours, Lanky.