Sefton RUFC

Sat 13 Dec 2025, 14:15

Moore 2nd XV

29 - 14

Sefton 3rd XV

Moore 2nd XV

Sefton 3rd XV

Pre-Match
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With at least a 30 minute drive out to Moore, most of the lads decided to travel in their own cars, on their own.
So much for Team Bonding.
I used to look forward to the Away games, with some banter and friendly back stabbing of fellow players.

Today, I drove the only ‘group’ car, and had to take the bus wankers from the Club. Usually I don’t mind doing this.
At the Club, there was Brighton Louie, Giz, and new boy, Dan Carter. This could be enlightening….
Louie is a big quiet guy, and spent most of the trip with raised eyebrows and a gobsmacked mouth.
Gis was on full alert, warning us of the CIA satellites that were tracking us. Unfortunately, we didn’t have any kitchen foil to wrap the car up (or Giz’s head).
But the real ‘entertainment’ came from Dan, who seems to have led some life….  

Unfortunately, he is NOT the real, New Zealand Dan Carter, perhaps one of the best rugby fly halves in history.
He is the unreal, Wigan Dan Carter, who can speak non stop for 30 minutes (at least).
He enjoys telling us his life story.
It is long and there are no silver spoons involved.
(I had heard it all last week, trapped in one of them booths in the Bulldog after the Club had closed).

Dan really should write a book. A biography. Maybe call it, “The Cure for Insomnia”.
A book would be better for everybody.
You can chose whether you want to read the book, or whether you don’t want to read the book.

Anyway, we make it to Moore, and I try not to think about the journey home.

At Moore, Salad’s boy, (Sean? - we christened him ‘Side Salad’), was first into the changing room, having come early with his mum.
This is his first ever game, he has not even come to training yet. His dad is running late (with his kit).
So he squirms in the corner, with a mischievous monkey grin, watching us all getting changed.
I was hoping his ‘enthusiasm’ was for his debut today, but something tells me that the RFU will probably have to consider non binary change rooms soon.

The very inappropriately named ‘Salad’ eventually turns up with the boy’s kit. I think his Cherokee name should be ‘Many Pies’.

The Numbers
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New novice Captain Goulding has, yet again, managed to get a 3s team together.
Most of us are not used to playing with extra people on the sidelines. ‘Subs’ they call them.

One good thing that you could possibly say for new “I’ll do anything for you” Captain Goulding: he can get a team together.

Moore also have a few extras, which is very unusual at this level.

The Warm Up
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Again, its mainly just introductions to the new players.

We have curly haired Ben at 10 today.

The Game Plan
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New wet behind the ears Captain Goulding wins the toss and elects to run downhill in the first half: “Get some early points on the board and finish well”.

We all agree that we should not be trying to score from every phase.

The Match
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From the kick off, Sefton tries to score.
The ball is passed through many hands and Conner Schnell promptly scores under the posts (that means ‘Fast’ in German).

From the next kick off, the ball is passed again, through many hands, and ends up in Salad’s copious bread basket.
He has been hiding on the wing on the tryline (I don’t think he’d actually made it back from the first try’s restart).
Salad slowly falls over for probably the second try in his very long, tough paper rounded life.

I asked him if he has any concerns with his abundanceness, and the prospect of some more heart bypass surgery.
Salad says, “Yes, I could lose weight.”
    “But I don’t like losing.”

So, 6 minutes gone and we are up 14 nil.
Straight into “doddle” mode.

New RFU Strategy: Allow One Mistake Each Player
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It was an interesting experiment today.
In an effort to promote running rugby, and have less scrums, each player was allowed one ‘free’ mistake.
Mistakes included blatant knock ons, off sides, second row feeds, forward passes, non straight throws and high tackles (Giz was in his element).

All 30 players were more than happy to get involved, and play was always allowed to continue.
Once we realised what was going on, it was quite entertaining.

Half Time – The Turning Point
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14 all at half time, and with every player having already used their “One Free Mistake”, Sefton were looking forward to some normal, slow, scrum ridden rugby.
Unfortunately though, we misunderstood the new “One Free Mistake” rule.
But apparently, the rule was “One Free Mistake PER HALF”.

Moore fully capitalized and scored many moore trys (ie, tries involving dodginess).
Poor innocent and naïve Sefton were just honestly trying to play by the rules.

The Big Mistake
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Perhaps a not so good thing you could say for new inexperienced Captain Goulding: he has no idea about rugby strategy.
Anyone who has ever played on a steeply declining pitch knows one thing: In the second half, its easier running downhill.
Moore’s lumbering forwards were like unstoppable oil tankers in the second half, constantly bulldozing their way towards the Sefton try line, and scored a number of unanswered tries.

Injuries
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Where would the game be without the Darrell Smiths of this world?

Here’s a gift that just keeps on giving.
For just one player, you get the following:

G1. Constant injury time breaks (one every 5 minutes. Nothing serious, but you do learn lots of new excuses for not playing).
G2. Opposition tackle practice (just imagine a non moving tackle bag wearing a Sefton shirt holding the ball).
G3. Questionable offspring (how can someone produce sons with such talent and strength?).

I did shed a tear for poor Darrell today, reaching up for one of Blandie’s trademark “Rainbow”* passes…
The ball seemed to hang still in the air while the (blatantly) offside Moore forwards sprinted towards the upstretching Darrell.
How Darrell managed to catch the ball, after taking a triple shoulder charge to the solar plexus (gunt), is beyond me, but the resultant 5 minute injury time break was appreciated by all.

* Alas, you don’t see many ambulances coming to rugby games nowadays.

Prognosis
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Bring back the scrum!
Hopefully we’ll be back to normal next week, with loads of mistakes initiating lots of time delaying scrums and penalties.

Admittedly, it was an enjoyable game today, very close, with some good defence, which is very unusual at this level.

A credit to Sefton though, taking pity on the Gentle Men of Moore, and allowing them to register their first win of the season.
We shall look forward to the home game at Sefton after Christmas.

Yours,
MoTM Campo