Sefton RUFC

Christmas Friendly Background
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Most years, between Christmas and New Years, Sefton will play a friendly with local club, Mossley Hill.
Last year it was at Mossley, so Sefton are the hosts today.
Traditionally, the loser gets James Goulding for the following season.
Its been a while since Sefton have won, with the tradition in friendlies to result in a draw.

 

  

The Pitch
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With the recent cold snap, especially the bitter Christmas Day we had 2 days ago (so cold, even Lanky allowed his family to fire up the central heating for an hour), there was a big concern about frozen pitches.

A 10am pitch inspection revealed a rock hard surface, with razor sharp edges of frozen mud.
There was no way this pitch was going to get damaged.

“Game on” was the call, with the recommendation to discourage tackling low.
Perfect conditions for the Sefton 3s, who pride themselves on either high tackles, or not tackling at all.

  

Pre-Match
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With the 1pm start, the new strict Captain Goulding had us there an hour before the game.
He arrived half an hour late, with the traditional bottle of Port.

In the changies, we were all impressed with Lanky’s brand new ankle high rugby boots. A gift from his new wife.
Dobie thought they’d make a lovely decoration on his Christmas Tree. I had some reservations about their durability.

 

  

The Numbers
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The Sefton response was pretty good, with healthy numbers from the 2s and 3s. The 1s players must not have seen the ‘Call for Availability’ message.

We were buoyed by the late announcement that the angry Tom James was not playing (he’d smashed up his phone instead), and, with the unavailability of Blandie (who was at the doctors), the tree hugging Isaac was asked to step into the 9 shirt.

Mossley Hill were 3 short so the ‘Generous’ Captain Goulding handed over Campo, Duncan and another guy that’s never played before.

  

 

The Game Plan
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New State the Bleeding Obvious Captain Goulding was blunt:
  Do not get injured.
  If you cannot avoid making a tackle, make it high.
  And leave the kicking to me. Ok Jordan?

 

  

The Match
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Running rugby at its best.

A lot of us didn’t even need a shower after the game.

  

 

The Big Mistake
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I knew those new boots would not be a good thing for Sefton.
Firstly, they make a statement: Lanky is playing for yet another season before he hangs them up.
Secondly, I just knew he’d be quoting the “New Boots Running In” clause…
Similar to when you buy a new car, and they advise you to keep the engine down to low revs for the first 1000 miles, we saw Lanky in his prime today.
Low revs means walking. And there will be many games before he gets to 1000 miles.
Leonie really should have also brought him a little bucket and spade as well, to give him something to do as he sat on the halfway line all game (a well chosen spot actually, given that 90% of the game was restarts).

 

 

Jug Evasion
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Lots happening here today, with many players scoring 2 tries, then generously gifting tries to lads who don’t normally score tries.

I shall write of the only honourable 2 try scorer, the only one who brought a jug of beer afterwards, sheepishly saying that he could’ve easily scored 3 tries if he’d wanted to. Young Isaac. There’s a loyal and respectful young man.

 

  

Injuries
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Still not sure what is wrong with the real Brian Gardner. The general prognosis was a severe case of Cantbearsedness.

Lanky is still giving himself a self diagnosis, but an early prognosis is that it’s a muscle injury to his left leg now.
We’ve only just got over his muscle injury to his right leg, god knows how long this one will go on for.
It is understood that he is looking for even more shin pads to fill his playing stockings.

A lot of people have been asking after Blandie.
You’ll all recall the horrific headbutt he received last week against the rampaging Hoylake side, poor Blandie’s nose was even more swollen but now sits under his right eye.
We have all been thinking that this could have been Blandie’s last game, and we would never see him again, or have to listen to him shouting at us.
Against learned advice, he has been going to see a doctor.
Three times he’s been draining the NHS resources. (I’ve also told him that they can’t put it in a cast).
Today, the (female) doctor tried to straighten him out, but was unsuccessful (I have offered to do it for free).
She finally got rid of him, saying he needs urgent extensive facial surgery. In 9 months.
She also told him that he can play rugby (just what qualifications does she have?).
So, Blandie is coming back (although I can’t see him on the ‘Available’ list for the 1s Away game at Littleborough this Saturday??).

 

 

Sefton’s Man of the Match
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A tough one this. So many fantastic individual efforts today. There were many MEN of the Match:

 

MotM1. Goulding.
Firstly, today’s match was solely down to the hard work done by Goulding to get 2 teams out there (one and a half Sefton teams, and half a Mossley team).
Then, during the game, we witnessed a full 70 minutes of Goulding not dropping the ball. The spectators were given a personal 10 minute close up of Goulding not dropping the ball as well!
As Captain now, Goulding has allocated himself the ‘kicking in general play’ role for the 3s, giving his outside backs a chance to open their legs and do some unexpected chasing.

In a bizarre set of amazing strokes of luck, we all witnessed something that we will regret for a long time:
BSL1. With an overwhelming overlap of more able bodied Sefton players to his left, we see Goulding veer slightly to his right and then kick the ball.
BSL2. The ball travels forward, in the air.
BSL3. The ball smashes straight into the face of an unsuspecting Mossley player – and straight back into Goulding’s hands.
BSL4. Goulding keeps hold of the ball, and runs through the bewildered and bewitched Mossley team.
BSL5. Running out of wilder and witching, Goulding randomly hurls the ball away – it actually goes backwards.
BSL6. And lands safely in the hands of the new foreign ‘kid’, who scores in the corner.
This could be the season that Goulding gets the ‘Player of the Season Award’ seriously.

  

MotM2. Julien the Frog (aka the bald Sebastian Chabal).
With the recent success of Sefton’s new recruitment policy (“Get the Junior Coaches to Play”), we’ve seen Paddy Walsh making a big difference to the 3s.
Today Goulding introduced 3 more Junior Coaches: Brian, Kyle and Julien.
Kyle did well, with his limited opportunities in the game and we hope to see more of him. More on Brian later.

We also had an improved international flavour with U9s assistant coach, Julien, from France (anything would be an improvement on the Australian flavour in the Club).
The unassuming and quiet bearded Frenchman had mumbled something about ‘playing a bit as a kid’ (translated by Paddy), so we weren’t expecting much, as ‘kid’ obviously meant: a very long time ago.
But Julien was awesome! Making many tackles and backing up well to be rewarded with a handsome try near the corner.

  

MotM3. Matty Williams.
Played a bit of prop for Mossley Hill and really turned the screws on the Sefton pack in the second half.
Was seen in the bar afterwards with the laminated picture of Joe Clark half hanging outa his arse pocket.

 

MotM4. Joe Clarke.
Ok, fair enough, Joe did shirk it a bit in the propping department, but defensively, he has come on a long way this year.
Up till now, we’ve just been seeing big Joe mesmerised in defence, staring at the ball in the ruck, waiting to get a cheap shot in on the opposition.
But today, it was a masterclass. Joe did not overcommit to the rucks, he focused on the impending Mossley Hill forward runners.
Mossley’s big Amir (who does look much better in a Sefton shirt, to be honest), who did most of the running today, must’ve felt that Joe was stalking him, and it was a keenly contested mini battle out there.
Sadly, Joe did his usual revert to type, crying to be replaced in the second half.

 

MotM5. Daniel Craig.
Unfortunately, he is NOT the real, superhero 007 Jame Bond Daniel Craig, perhaps the closest thing to Superman we’ve seen.
He is the quietly spoken, Clark Kent type Daniel Craig, who finally looks to be breaking out of his shackles.
Today, Sefton’s Daniel tackled everything that moved. He also cunningly backed up 2 try Seb, to be rewarded with a rare try under the posts to level the game on the final whistle.

 

MotM6. Brian Gander.
Unfortunately, he is NOT the real, swashbuckling Brian GARDNER, perhaps Sefton’s finest ever player, who the crowd turned up to see today..
Instead, they get the u10s coach, Brian GANDER, who is un-registered blind (“only if there is some light”).
To be honest, his Man of the Matchness is really because he played for Mossley Hill, and allowed Sefton to score a number of tries.

One of his many Sefton ’gifts’ springs to mind…
Playing on the wing for Mossley Hill, Sefton place a well directed kick to Brian.
The sun is blazing in the background, and Brian somehow manages to get under the ball (this was probably due the perfectness of the kick really).
Brian waves his arms in the air, somehow sensing the ball is near (this ball doesn’t have a little inbuilt bell inside it!).
The ball bounces off his chest and into the willing arms of Sefton’s Salad (hiding out on the wing yet again) to allow him the softest of tries on the corner.
To be fair, Brian did listen to advice well (but it worries me that we let him coach our kids).

 

MotM7. Duncan.
Took one for the team today, donning a Mossley Hill shirt for the opposition to make up the numbers.
Up till now, Duncan hasn’t been given much opportunity to impress anyone at Sefton, but today Duncan was awesome! Making many tackles (poor Hamling) and chasing well to be rewarded with a handsome try near the corner.
Maybe it was the limelight of a big crowd, but he stood out brightly and surely must have been noticed by the Sefton 2s Captain (or even his ex-Mossley Hill Captain).

 

MotM8. Campo.
The crowd’s pick today. Where else can you get 82 entertaining points in 80 minutes?
A massive crowd gathered today, for the annual friendly, and were treated to some free flowing rugby and a tantalising draw.
41-nil to Sefton in the first half, and then 41-nil to Mossley in the second.
Was it just a coincidence that Campo played for Mossley in the first half and then Sefton in the second??
The crowd knew the score.

 

  

Sefton’s Tvvat of the Match
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Today, we welcomed back one of Sefton’s finest sons, Jordan Moffatt.
Although probably only the third best rugby playing son in the Moffatt family, we agreed to let him play.
On the condition that he keep his head down and doesn’t get injured for a change.
Well, playing in the centres, outside sHamling, meant that he only really had defensive commitments, but he did manage to get the ball once.

I guess it’s understandable, being away from the game for so long (with undisclosed injuries), that you’d want to make an impression, let everyone know that you’re back. Show the First Team players that their positions are not safe.

The ball is blindly thrown to Jordan, by the severely hung over, visually impaired, winger-cum-scrum-half Isaac.
Jordan has been watching the supreme tactical kicking from the Mossley Hill 10, Steve Finn, who has pinned the Sefton Team in their own quarter for most of the match.
Jordan, although having never kicked a ball in his life, sees his opportunity.

There’s a big crowd here today. Up to now, they’ve had a lot of respect for Jordan, watching him play through the juniors, and then occasionally for the seniors. He’s been pretty sensible.
Jordan’s kick did actually come off his boot and went in the air.
Unfortunately, it had a Colin Pascoe trajectory, going almost straight up.
In fact, it went backwards.

But wait, Jordan is 6 foot five, with hands like Eddie Nics. He will run back and catch his own ball, surely?
The ball is on its way down now, with Jordan safely under it, seeking to redeem himself.
But there’s Duncan, playing in a Mossley Hill shirt, flying in the air like a FALCON, plucking the ball from the embarrassed Jordan, and running away to score near the corner.

Jordan hurriedly limped off with another undisclosed injury. It’ll be another 5 years till we see him grace our pitches again…

 

  

Prognosis
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Yet again, another well contested, good natured festive cobweb remover with our friendly neighbours.
The free flowingness of the game was impressive today, with good hands and determined running the highlight.
Some may be picky and consider the tackle avoidanceness was a contributing factor to the high scoreline, but no one wants to get injured in a friendly, especially on a rock hard icy pitch.
In the modern game, the crowd want tries, and were not disappointed.

A big thank you to both referees today, with Stitty allowing a fast paced game in the first half, and Steve Downing ensuring a precise 41 all scoreline in the second, plus the bonus of giving Goulding a yellow card.

 

Seasons greetings,
Campo

(Apologies to the long windedness of this report, given most of you have the attention span of a goldfish. I suggest reading the report in installments.)