Sefton RUFC

(Pindar, 438 BC)

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Storm Boelo was escalating as Sefton came out onto the pitch. Many were hoping that the pitch would be unplayable when they woke up that morning. Many were reluctant to accept their fate.

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The warm-up was brutal, with Captain Mainwaring trying to keep a positive vibe in the sheeting rain before the game. But where was Joe? Absent for the whole warm-up, he was nowhere to be seen. Joe Clarke was hiding in the changing rooms, contemplating whether to make an appearance. We all have to face our demons on our own, Joe.

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He wasn't the only player with seeds of doubt about playing. Kyle Noon skunked around, also not fully committed to the pre-match routine.

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The start was predictable, New Brighton were clearly up for it, starting at a sprint. In comparison to Sefton’s lack luster start, the outcome was inevitable.

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Sefton’s poor performance can only be put down to one person, Matt Bland. Scrum half today, Blandie’s insistence of passing out to Tom Donnally at every opportunity was Sefton’s downfall. On recieving the ball, Tom's first action was to kick the ball straight to New Brighton’s young, quick full back. In fact, such was Tom's accuracy, that he managed to find him wherever he was on the pitch. With their fast paced backs, they were able to make quick in roads through Sefton’s defence, and score an early try.

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In the forwards, the battle was a little more even, scrums were aplenty, with the wet, windy weather making the ball very slippy. Scrums were largly dominated by Sefton, often pushing the opposition back. The problem was when it left that area, with the forwards getting up, to see the ball ten metres behind the gain line.

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An early injury to Syd Blease in the back row meant a bit of shuffling was needed. sHambling* moves into the forwards, and Callum Rossiter comes on a little earlier than expected, in the centre. Still suffering an injury from last week, the young centre was probably hoping for a little less action.

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*It's good to see sHamling has got over his sulk about being dropped to the third team. Or maybe he is just brooding? After we left him on the Supermarket floor shouting and screaming, he eventually got up, and put the sweets back on the shelf. He is bitter, like an Everton supporter.

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Lineouts were better this week, despite the conditions, most were brought down successfully, if a little untidy. However, there wasn't any set moves initiated from that position. Sefton’s usual pod work was missing, there was no need for New Brighton to pull their defence in tight. This left little room for the backs, and no gain in territory.

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Polar opposite was the opposition, committing Sefton, first with their forwards trucking it up. Then the stand-off had no hesitation in immediately shipping it out to his backs. There was no answer. Sefton were quickly three tries down.

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At half time, Captain Mainwaring insisted we go under the stand for the team talk. The fact we couldn't get any wetter, was beside the point.

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Isaac Lancaster arrives at half time, after a 24 hour trip to Dublin. With no sleep, and very probably still a little drunk, (who knows, you can never tell Isaac's exact state, as he always looks drunk). However, he is wearing his kit, and thrown on, whether he likes it or not.

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Now facing the wind, Sefton are tasked with another 40 minutes of tough graft. Conditions improve slightly, and Sefton manage to string a few moves together. This was interspersed with plenty of scrums. I was surprised that some of the crowd were still watching. It was only for the purists.

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I can only think that homeless Andy believed he could smash through New Brighton’s defence from his twenty-two. Because he just kept trying it. Andy Farlie has a massive kicking boot, but yet, opted to take on the opposition’s back line on his own. This did not end well. There isn't many instances that I would suggest maybe putting your foot through the ball, but maybe this is it.

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There wasn't many opportunities that presented itself, but there was a few. A free kick on the half way line, and Tom Donnally initiates a Hail Mary kick up into the air. For once it doesn’t go straight to their full back, and bounces on the floor. James sHamling is onto it, and kicks through to within five metres of the line. With the opposition bearing down on him, he was short on options. Either dive on the ball at full pace and hope that the wet grass helps his momentum to slide over the line, or slow down, and try to gather the ball. sHamling opts for the latter, and is caught from behind.

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The effort does get us a scrum, however, on their five metre line. It should have been a formality with our stronger pack. Somehow, Sefton lose the ball, and within 30 seconds we're back in our own twenty-two.

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A little more structure came to Sefton’s game in the second half, with the forwards actually taking the ball up. It didn’t stop New Brighton scoring a couple more tries, but it slowed them down a little.

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New Brighton were great, there was no getting around that. We couldn't even blame the ref this week, who was very good. Could Sefton have worked harder, definitely, the spark wasn't there. The opposition celebrated every dominant tackle, ever line break, and every turn over as if it was a try. We need to have that hunger in our next game.

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A game not to forget, but to remember for next time. It is hoped that the experience lights a fire in the belly, and next time there is more fight in the dog.

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There was a few good performances. Joe Clarke, once he left the comfort of the changing rooms, put a shift in, always making himself available in attack. Isaac Lancaster made a few try saving tackles, and the front row worked tirelessly. Man of the Match went to Lanky Snr. A little bit of cheating takes you a long way.

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I have to commend Kyle Noon's girlfriend for sitting through the whole match. Going out with Kyle, she has obviously numbed herself to the constant disappointment. Likewise, Mrs Lanky was also not happy, as water girl she couldn't understand why no-one wanted her wares.

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As for Joe Clarke, what can I say? Hiding in the changing rooms has brought shame on his family, how can he look his boy in the eyes? I can't speak for his teammates, but I suggest self-flagellation as a form of penance would suffice for now.

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After the game, we managed to  convince Blandie the loss was all his fault, it wasn’t hard. If you tell him enough times, eventually, he will believe anything you say.

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Yours, Lanky