He’s done it again. Took the easy route out just like the Bush Fighter, and tied the rudder at full lock, leaving us to go round in circles. Jack Beckwith isn’t much of a captain, putting up zero fight when resisting the call of the first team. Yet again it was me that was left to tell the kids we were on our own again, their little grubby faces looking into the distance.

What Jack had left me was thirteen, plus two students traveling from Lancaster. They were never going to leave, it’s like Royston Vasey there, I should know I had to pay a considerable sum to get out myself!

The last minute recruitment of Campo meant that at least we had someone to blame when it all went horribly wrong. Travel was our first hurdle with Pistol Pete insisting on picking Luke Griffiths and Ali Telfer from the city centre. “Wouldn’t it be too busy” I ask, but Pete insisted it would be fine. It wasn’t.

Pete was missing in action somewhere near the tunnel with three other players, and our promised students hadn’t appeared either. We had ten players, including a worrying thin Owen Devlin, who has lost a staggering six stones mainly from around his belly. That’s like, a whole Sean Muirhead!

Wirral were very accommodating however, and allowed us a 2.30 kick-off, in the hope that some would find their way. It didn’t help that we had ‘Player of the Season’ (self-nominated), Aaron Gore in the team, who after a long absence, was back, and we now knew where Devlin's six stone had gone. Only hoping for half a game, he wasn’t going to enjoy ten aside rugby.

Miraculously, with a few minutes to kick-off our missing team members turn up, and we gradually grew from ten to sixteen players. Even our missing students Matt Patterson and Jake Ruff turned up, what terrible price did they pay?

---- The Game ----
A strong start for Sefton produced an early score with our backs breaking through, and Owen Devlin going over for a try converted by Jay Evans.

At the restart the usual safe hands of Pistol Pete let him down. This could be down to the lack of finger exercises before the game, they mock me, but I have finally proved the benefits of warm hands. This mistake allowed Wirral to build their own pressure within Sefton’s twenty-two. A constant stream of crash balls around the breakdown were used to progress up the field, which eventually led to them breaking through for an unconverted try. This also led to Aaron Gore reaching his limit and going off for a rest to the relief of his opposition prop. This prop was publicly humiliated by the ref minutes earlier, when he said, “he is obviously the stronger prop”. I think a more appropriate word for Aaron is ‘heavier’.

On comes Anger Management, which gave us two live wires in the team, the question was who would be sent off first, him or Dan Leary. Luckily Dan’s volatile dad wasn’t at the game this week, thus preventing the inevitable chemical reaction, equivalent to putting magnesium in water.

A penalty to Sefton close to the posts allowed Evans to kick for the three points, but at the restart another failed catch, this time by Luke Griffiths allowed Wirral back into Sefton’s half. Sefton managed their defence better this time and eventually were awarded a scrum for a knock on. Anger Management then steps in and ruins everything. He clearly wasn’t happy when a Wirral player held onto the ball, obviously wanting the ball so he could take a ‘quick scrum’? During this short explosive outbreak, his veins in his neck popped, and his face turned bright red. He eventually calmed down, but not before the ref reversed the decision and awarded Wirral a penalty in front of the posts. The kick just managed to creep over from ten metres out, clearly Wirral’s kicking limit.

With Wirral losing a player to injury, Aaron Gore graciously agreed to play for them. As you can imagine our own prop, Jake Ruff wasn’t too pleased with now holding Aaron up. Wirral somehow manage to hang on without conceding for the rest of the half, mainly due to Sefton’s penalty count, and shamelessly kicking the ball away at every opportunity.

This changed in the second half, with Wirral starting to tire. Campo urged Sefton not to give away silly penalties, which was enforced by Pistol Pete, who said “yes only sensible penalties from now on”. A penalty to Sefton at a scrum was taken quickly by Precious before Wirral could react, and though caught short of the line, he was able to off-load in the tackle to Owen Collins who was able to go through under the posts. Jay Evans converted.

Precious reacted the fastest again from another penalty ten metres from the opposition line. Collins is this time out wide on the wing and is able to crash his way over for his second try.

---- Kicking Update ----
The kicking update is back, not needed for the last couple of weeks due to the absence of someone in the squad, and now that Ali Telfer is conditioned to only run with the ball, kicking was kept to the minimum. However Jay Evans was back with vengeance, and it seems that young Jay has been corrupted by the first team. Frowned upon in the seconds, but seemingly acceptable behaviour in the firsts. The game was littered with misplaced kicks, looked on in dismay by Owen Devlin and Paddy McCleery outside him. Maybe they have some fast wingers in the firsts that can chase his kicks, but all we have is Sean Muirhead who runs like a three legged donkey. At one kick the ball tumbles on over the try line, out of the dead ball area, through the clubhouse, and out into the car park, where I think it flagged a taxi down which took it back to Sefton.
However Jay wasn’t the worse culprit. Jake Ruff (a prop of all things), gets his hands on the ball and just hoofs it down the field with no regard for the consequences. Does he not know props don’t kick. He later tells me that Jay told him to kick it, is there no end to this lads treachery?

The backs were now in full flow, finding space through the centres, and out wide with Ali Telfer making several breaks, only to be caught before he could reach the line. It was Owen Devlin who eventually found the gap and was able to go through under the posts for a try converted by Evans.

---- There’s something about Muirhead ----
The lack of warm-up was beneficial to Sean, able to save his two catch quota until he really needed them in the game. Firstly Sean caught a ball kicked to him deep in the corner, which he was very pleased with. However later he surpassed all expectation when the ball came out to him on the wing and he not only caught it, but also managed to fall over the try line, from one metre out for a try.

A late converted try by Wirral gave them some consolation, in a game that had suddenly slipped away from them.

A fantastic performance by Sefton with some outstanding teamwork. Sefton’s back row was immense with Dan Leary, Matt Patterson and Owen Collins not allowing the opposition any space. Luke Griffiths fought for everything in the lineout, and the centre partnership of Devlin and McCleery were always an attacking threat. The Man of the Match could have gone to any of them, however, for me it had to be Owen Collins, who tore their defence apart, especially in the later stages.

A well-deserved win for Sefton, however questions were asked about Pistol Pete’s involvement in the game, with his number five shirt looking remarkably clean. We will put it aside Pete, and save some money on washing it.

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As we got back to Sefton, Jay’s ball he had kicked during the game was sat there waiting for him, by the fire, with big Eddie Nicks, having a whiskey.

Finger exercises next week lads.