As predicted, numbers had seriously receded for this game away at Sandbach. As well as a number of players having the call up to the first team, including yet again our absent captain, there was also a lot unavailable. During the week it flitted between nine and thirteen players as they stepped in, and then dropped out. Luckily, with the third team game called off on Saturday morning, the seconds were given a lifeline. What calibre of player we were able to entice to come away would be influential.

Eager to join the fray was Jay Goulding and Brendo McCrudden, and as you can imagine Sean Muirhead was pleased as punch. No longer would he have to bare the brunt of our jibes and condemnation, now the ridicule could be shared out.

A respectable sixteen players were accumulated, as long as Owen Devlin turned up, which is always a gamble.

---- The Game ----
A strange game, mostly involving Sefton pushing Sandbach back onto their line, but never actually getting over it. A final pass was either knocked on, or lost in the ruck, which tended to end in Sandbach racing away the length of the pitch to score themselves. The number of times this happened was inexcusable, and the more it failed, the more they tried to repeat it, as if they were expecting a different result. The initial drives from the forwards were effective, however, the ball was often released out to the backs too soon, with the opposition all too eager to stop the attack in its tracks, and preventing Devlin at stand-off weaving his magic. Kyle Sanders was the forwards main battering ram, and he definitely did a shift, however, the one time he did manage to breach the try line, he was unlucky to be held up.

In comparison, when Sandbach got the ball they were clinical in their finishing, so much so that compared to the four chances Sefton failed to complete, Sandbach finished the three they had.

The final minutes of the half were spent on Sandbach’s line, yet Sefton this time failed to see the huge overlap created out in the backs, until it was too late.

In the second half, Sefton start well and eventually put some points on the board. This came from a period of sustained pressure on the oppositions try line. A predictable end to this was ‘two step’ Pete Johnson taking two steps to go over for the try, cheering loudly so the ref had no doubt that he had scored it. Precious converted.

This was the last and only time Sefton made it over the try line, although the legality of Sandbach’s defending had to be questioned, with players diving over ruck and killing the ball, or entering from the side. Already with one player in the bin, another one dives head first into a ruck in an attempt to take Jay Golding head off. Now, normally I would say Jay was fair game, but even I thought this was a little excessive. However, there was no real retribution by the ref, not deeming it a card offence, all Sefton got was a penalty.

The most annoying thing however was the pot-bellied Sandbach stand-off who constantly squealed “hammer” at every opportunity. Where was this hammer, and why wasn’t anyone getting it for him. Please, just give him his hammer, the lad needs to fix his shed! (Graeme Jones joke).

As the game went on, legs got tired and tackles started to be missed. Brendo practically showed the opposition the direction of the try line as they stepped past him. He wasn’t too pleased with anyone tackling him either. You wonder what happens in that third team, is there a waver the opposition have to sign that promises they won’t tackle him. Anyway, he was furious, as he laid there with his shorts down by his ankles.

The exception was Dan Leary, who was full of boundless energy, putting in the tackles with his usual enthusiasm. An extraordinary performance by Tom James also has to be highlighted. Now Tom’s tackling is normally very sporadic, but this week he seemed to have an extra dose of bravery, or stupidity, I don’t know which. A number of times I winced at the contact, as he hit a brick wall of a man, but still managed to knock him down. The problem now is I will expect this every week, he now has no excuses for missing a tackle.

Now at this point Tom was my ‘Man of the Match’, however a surprising contender came to light. Campo who has brought the skill of tackle evasion to a fine art, stopped everything. Several times Sandbach were through on goal, with just the aging full back to beat, and they were brought down picking mud out of their teeth. If only there was some way of getting past him?*

In the last ten minutes Sefton’s resolve finally broke and the floodgates opened, with Sandbach able to score at will, notching four tries in that time. Some tries were dubious, including a lineout maul where Sefton backed off hoping for the off-side penalty. Unfortunately, the ref clearly hadn’t seen Italy do this several years earlier, (and several teams thereafter), and allowed Sandbach to trundle over the try line like they were doing an eight man Conga.

---- Kicking Update ----
Precious’ kicking was faultless all match until it came to the last kick of the match. With Sefton receiving a penalty, all he had to do was kick it out to end the nightmare. He has obviously seen this done in the Premiership, as he aimed the kick towards his own dead ball area, and off the pitch. However, his miss-kick barely goes three metres, and it is a quick scramble to get the ball off the pitch before Sandbach pounced on it. They always say you’re only as good as your last kick. Let’s hope this isn’t his last game, or his kicking record will be remembered as less than good.

As we walked off, we had to wonder whether we would ever know joy again, would we ever see our captain return, and how ‘two step’ Pete kept his shirt clean in a muddy game for the second week running.

*As I mentioned earlier, I grudgingly gave Campo ‘Man of the Match’. If only Sandbach realised that all they had to do is take one step left or right, and he would have been left sprawling on the ground, and save me the headache of listening to him going on all night. This pain was doubled, with Jay Goulding getting his foot in the door, thinking now that he’s played in the second team, he has the right to tell us how great he is. At least Brendon knows his incompetence as a rugby player, and actuality embraces his lack of skills. Unfortunately, Goulding has delusions of grandeur, which he is prepared to tell everyone who he can get to listen. Does he not have a home to go to? Surely with him working away all week, his family would like to see him. I didn’t realise his wife hates him, his children hate him, and even his dogs hate him. Hence, I was stuck with the both of them, it was a long night, filled with lots of alcohol to help me forget.

---- There’s something about Muirhead ----
I was starting to think that maybe we are being a bit harsh on Sean, after all his bully diary was getting quite full. This was before I realised that everyone likes to bully him, it is in fact becoming Britain’s fastest growing past time. The Ladies team especially take great pleasure in Sean’s humiliation, as this week’s Noah’s Ark themed fancy dress demonstrated. Apparently Sean’s bumble bee outfit was ridiculed for his lack of effort, so much so that on the bus back from Darlington he had to sit on the naughty step for two hours. I’m so pleased that Sean has now found something that he is good at, I’m just worried that there’s a village somewhere missing an idiot.

There is no game next now for the seconds until the New Year, the break from Goulding will do me good.

---- Sefton Mystery Reporter ----

In these times of fake news it’s great to hear true facts, and hard hitting journalism, luckily we have the very best at Sefton. Willing to ask those hard hitting difficult questions, this week the Sefton Mystery Reporter talks to the second team’s new captain Jack Beckwith.

SMR: Jack Beckwith you are a hard person to tie down, always looking busy but not actually doing anything.

JB: Thank you, I always take pride in my ability to do absolutely nothing in everything I do.

SMR: Let’s talk about your rugby career so far, it’s been a bit hit or miss hasn’t it, endless injuries followed by high expectation on your return, followed by more injuries.

JB: I know, it’s as if I just want the attention, it’s getting to the point where I’m running out of parts to injure. I’m basically held together by sticky tape.

SMR: Yes, you do seem to use a lot of that, you must spend an hour before the match sticking your arm back onto your shoulder.

JB: It’s a delicate process, if I don’t do it, I don’t think I could last the match.

SMR: Does it work though?

JB: What do you mean?

SMR: Well I remember one game last season when you came on, and you were off again after thirty seconds.

JB: Haha, yes that was a particular tough game, I did make a great tackle though.

SMR: Yes one tackle, and then you go hobbling off, you definitely deserved your Man of Glass Award that year.

JB: Like I said I worked hard to achieve a high standard of injury that year, beating some very tough competition.

SMR: Yes, to beat Chocky, you deserve everything you get.
Let’s talk about your contributions on the pitch, more precisely your inability to jumps in the lineout.

JB: It’s not me, it’s the players around me, I’m a very good jumper, probably the best in the club.

SMR: Is that right, you do know you have to help the lifters by actually leaving the ground don’t you?

JB: No, that is a total myth, all I need to do is throw my arms up above my head, and I should magically rise into the air.

SMR: Yes, I see you haven’t yet got the concept of gravity. Could this be the reason you never seem to complete a full game?

JB: That is purely tactical, I need to assess the game from the side line, it’s not easy being captain.

SMR: Yes I must congratulate you on becoming the second team captain, that is commendable, especially with your commitment problems, I hear you never finish anything.

JB: Have you been talking to my wife? I am always committed, the job I have done so far has proved that.

SMR: Aren’t you playing for the first team at the moment?

JB: Ah, technically I’m still second team captain, but I have learnt that delegation is the key to good captaincy.

SMR: Really where did you learn that?

JB: Well the Bush Fighter says this is how he captained, and it ended up alright for him, why change a winning formula.

SMR: Oh yes the Bush Fighter, that scum bag. At least that’s what they say whenever I mention him to second team. Is it true that Lanky is regarded as the only genuine captain of the second team?

JB: He does help me, but I’m the true driving force within the team.

SMR: Yes, driving from afar it seems. What does your wife think of you taking on the captaincy, I’m genuinely surprised she is still with you, I hear there’s been plenty of tears over you taking on the role.

JB: Yes the tears are the worse, but she tells me it won’t last forever. I’m usually ok again by Saturday night.

SMR: There are reports, (not confirmed), that you are doing really well in the first team, possibly one of the best performers. In fact there is a opinion that the standard of rugby has gone up in both teams since you left the seconds to play for the firsts. Are you there to stay?

JB: Well, as long as I stay injury free I think the first team will keep me, there is no way I could go back anyway, they have no idea who I am in the seconds.

SMR: Thank you for your honesty Jack, it takes a big man to admit that Lanky is a better captain than you.

JB: I didn’t……………….(interview ends)

Jack Beckwith can be seen this Saturday, possibly playing, but more than likely resting on the side line whilst he pretends helps the coach with his team tactics.