Sefton RUFC

With many matches getting cancelled, the second team game proved to be the only entertainment on this weekend, a big ask if you’re relying on Aaron Gore and Mike Collin’s walking style rugby to enthuse the crowds.

 

A new strain of the virus is sweeping through Sefton, the whole of the first team were in lock down this weekend. More serious than Coronavirus, it apparently makes you incoherent, and prone to make irrational decisions, doctors think Liam Brown may have had it for years. This could be a concern for the more vulnerable members in our club, the very old and infirm. So I was quite surprised to see Rick (our ‘glass half empty’ barman), and Denis (Jukeboxes’s pie understudy) at the club on Saturday. Then I realised that there was no way they could be infected, having been soaked in alcohol for several years, no virus could survive in their bodies.

 

The second team were offered a lifeline this weekend, a number of Colts became eligible to play senior rugby. An influx of home grown, young talent has been absent since the Jay Keegan era, so with luck all teams will eventually benefit from this. This week we had five Colts playing, Tom James and Farice Ejimoffor, who have already been playing for some time, and senior game debutantes Paddy Sinnott, Will Sanderson and Kyle Noon. Having no third team game, and a handful of Colts available, the seconds had plenty of subs, so Pistol Pete and Mark Dobie were relieved to be able to tag team each other on and off.

 

We also had an unexpected visitor who graced us with his presence. Our illustrious captain Jack finally made an appearance, which is always an anxious time for our players. A strange man coming in, claiming to be the captain, and all the players looking to me for comfort. In the end they were fine, as soon as I reassured them that he will probably be off after ten minutes, and it's unlikely we would ever see him again this season

 

---- The Game ----

Playing with the wind in the first half Sefton spent a considerable amount of time within Wirral’s twenty-two. The scrum was dominated by Sefton, with Wirral being driven off their own ball a number of times. However, the opposition’s defence in the open held firm, and despite the constant barrage of attack, and numerous penalties Sefton couldn’t break through. Ali Telfer was closest to opening the scoring when he lunged for the line, but he was judged to have crawled the last metre or so on his hand and knees, (it was more like five metres), the try was disallowed. It was a full twenty minutes before Sefton finally broke through. With Sefton positioned at an attacking ruck in the left corner, Tom James picks up and passes to Alistair McKie. He manages to get halfway through a tackle before getting held and offloaded to Ciaran Fairclough who is able to use his pace and dive over in the corner. Ali Telfer converted the try from the touch line.

 

A big moment for Colts Paddy Sinnott, and Will Saunderson as they came on. Big Will making an immediate impact by jackling a ball in his first action.

 

Despite spending much of the time within Wirral’s half, the opposition defended well. Their rush defence didn’t allow the backs any room. However, Sefton persisted and eventually reached the five metre line. After several attempts by Sefton’s heavy weights, it was Paddy Sinnott who spotted a gap between the ruck and Wirral’s first defensive guard, and dives through to score. Again converted by Telfer.

 

Now it was Wirral’s turn to put the pressure on, using their experienced forwards, they pinned Sefton back in their own half. Some determined defending kept them at bay, but unable to break out. Eventually Wirral get their reward, and are able to break through for a try. The conversion just has enough flight to bounce onto the crossbar and over to give them the extra points.

 

Half time, and Sefton face the wind with only a seven point advantage. The stalemate resumes with both sides having opportunities, but neither able to convert to points.

 

Kyle Noon and Farice Ejimoffor, two more promising Colts were very active in attack with several carry’s, but were unable to break through Wirral’s well organised defence.

 

Wirral had the first definite chance when Sefton allowed themselves to be drawn in. The space out wide enabled Wirral to go around the outside, and it would have been a certain try if not for a covering tackle by Jonathan Tebbs. From this Sefton were able to recover, and fight their way out of their half. With fifteen minutes to go, the defining moment came.

 

---- Attack of the Dwarfs ----

A penalty was awarded to Sefton within Wirral’s twenty-two, and the option to kick was taken, which would have given Sefton a two score lead. Ali Telfer’s kick just falls short in the opposing wind, and Wirral kick a long ball down the centre of the pitch. With Jay Goulding covering at full back, he picks it up and runs it back with Lancaster in close support. It was rudely suggested by someone in the crowd whilst they were huddled together in the ‘Perry Caine’ stand, that it looked like ‘the attack of the dwarfs’ (the dwarfs are coming to get you Brian Gardner). Goulding manages to dodge a few tackles before being caught just outside Wirral’s twenty-two. The ball is then taken out to the touch line, and from the ruck Paddy Sinnott takes the ball blind, and is able to run through and score his second try in the corner.

 

The remainder of the match was mostly controlled by Wirral, as they harassed Sefton, who desperately defended their try line. Shaun Williams, who came on for a second spell must have been stewing on the side line, because he started to tackle like a man possessed. Wiping out a number of the Wirral players with ferocious tackles. In defence everyone did their part to keep Wirral out, even Goulding produced his one and only tackle at the right moment to deny the opposition the chance of scoring.

 

A great contest fought by two evenly matched sides, which could have gone either way. It was great to see some young lads on both sides coming into the senior teams, and the game was played in a friendly, but competitive manor, with the ref doing a good job to control both sides. Sefton’s Man of the Match went to the jinxing and dodging Paddy Sinnott who had a superb début match. Maybe, the future is looking a bit brighter for Sefton.

 

Afterward I was a bit upset when the Colts didn’t stay for a shower, I had promised to make sure they were completely cleansed of any trace of Liamavirus, but they bolted pretty quickly with various excuses. Very strange.

 

---- Sean Muirhead's Bully Diary ----

14^th March – Dear diary, I was bullied again this Saturday, laughing at my simple and relevant request. All I said was “has anyone got a hairdryer I can borrow?” They’re so insensitive to my needs, I only needed it to dry the tears that had stained my shirt. I will cry myself to sleep again tonight.

 

 

---- Sefton Mystery Reporter ----

I’m sure you’re all wondering what is happening during these uncertain times, and how serious this current virus is in relation to playing rugby at Sefton. Luckily I have an inside contact, a person who delves deep into someone’s personal life, and finds the real truth. The Sefton mystery reporter gets the latest from Liamavirus carrier and first team captain, Liam Brown, obviously from a safe distance.

 

SMR: Liam thanks for talking to me during these worrying times, how are you feeling?

 

LB: Thank you I’m feeling much better (weak, pathetic voice) .

 

SMR: So what made you suspicious that you’d contracted Coronavirus, have you visited China or Italy recently?

 

LB: No I haven’t been anywhere, just lounging at home really, although I did have some spaghetti last week.

 

SMR: You must have been in contact with someone who has been away, and is suspected of being infected then?

 

LB: No, not really, I haven’t been near anyone.

 

SMR: The symptoms then, did you have a dry consistent cough, and a high fever?

 

LB: Well, I thought I had a fever, but I’d just left the heating on, I was sweating all night.

 

SMR: So no fever, no cough, what has been up with you?

 

LB: I definitely had a cold, so you’re better safe, than sorry.

 

SMR: You had a cold, so you’re school sent you home for that? Are you just trying to get a couple of weeks off work.

 

LB: I had a sore throat as well, it hasn’t been easy for me. At the end of the day you have to think about the pupils.

 

SMR: Your partner can’t be too pleased, stuck in the house with you for two weeks.

 

LB: No, she’s been told she can go to work, it is a bit strange, especially when she works in the same school as me.

 

SMR: That is strange, do you ever get the feeling that maybe no one likes you.

 

LB: Well the pupils yes, and maybe some of the teachers, but I’m sure the headmaster likes me. He told me to take as much time off as I needed, forever, if I wanted.

 

SMR: Very strange, but you only teach PE, not a real teacher.

So you’ve now self-isolated, and everyone you have come into contact with at rugby is also in danger.

 

LB: Yes everyone I have played, and trained with, over the last couple of weeks.

 

SMR: Well that’s not too bad.

 

LB: What do you mean?

 

SMR: The only players that train are a few third teamers, in fact you haven’t been to training in weeks.

 

LB: Well I’ve had a few injuries………and it’s cold………and wet!

 

SMR: Clearly very stressing for you. How has the club been with you, have they been supportive?

 

LB: Very supportive, Jamie Luck says he doesn’t want to see me back for at least a month, he said they’ll be fine without me.

 

SMR: And Stuart Bailey?

 

LB: The same, in fact he phoned me the other night, and just went on and on for ever. In the end I had to tell him I was going to be sick, just to get off the phone.

 

SMR: I know what you mean, I dread the day I have to interview him.

So how long do you think this illness will last?

 

LB: I’m hoping to stretch it out for at least another week, but if I’m lucky, I might make it up until Spring break, then I will have another two weeks off as well.

 

SMR: I admire your dedication to teaching Liam, if you don’t mind, I won’t shake hands.

 

Liam Brown is currently in self-isolation, with any luck it will be a long drawn out illness.