Sefton RUFC

Pre-Match

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We’d done some pretty good grooming this week, luring some young boys down to the training ground.

We had another guy from Brumingham (he may well turn out to be a good translator for Mike Collins), a teacher from North Wales (North Wales? I hear you ask. Yes, it’s not really ‘Wales’ is it? More South Liverpool. ‘Wales’ is really just South Wales, where the valleys are, and they speak Welsh.), and a French lad.

  

After training on Tuesday, I was talking to the new French kid, Yohan, in the bar. (I feel I had a pretty good grasp of an Anglo-French derivative, after the season with Faeron, a few years ago). Yohan fancies himself as a 9, and enquired who was the 3rd Team 9.

‘Thats Matt’, I say, pointing to the burgeoning Blandie at the bar.

‘Oh? He must be very fast’, says Yohan.

‘Ahhhh. No.’, I say, truthfully.

‘Mmmm, perhaps he must throw a great pass?’ insists Yohan.

‘No again. Very bad passer. Especially off his left hand’, Even more truthfully now.

‘Ok then, why is he the 3rd Team 9?’, persists Yohan.

‘2 reasons really’, I explain, ‘One: He is the Captain, and Two: It’s him or Chris McTeary’.

  

  

Saturday’s Wailing Wall

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Yet another epic this week, with the 1s Team in disarray (players “forgetting to say they are unavailable”!!).

  

And then poor 2s, with Captain Jack crying, “I’ve got 17 but no backs!”.

   

The 3s manage the bare minimum on their long haul to Linley (down near that London).

McCleary and Jacob are picked up from the Jolly Miller (“we always have a beer before we go on holiday”), and it is only by a passenger coordinated team effort, that Campo’s Fiesta safely gets there in time. 

Our warm up involves Birthday Boy McCleary offering round a hip flask full of Dutch courage....

  

   

The Match

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I think it was the early kickoff that did it for the Linley boys.

Their acute conditioning meant that they automatically switch on to ‘Rugby’ mode at 3pm on Saturdays. 

Unfortunately, by 3pm Sefton had already snuck in their 19 points, and so really, Linley are probably thinking they won 7-0 today. 

    

A game, really, of 2 halves.

All tries were scored at the end of the rainbow, with Sefton’s 3 in the first half, and Linley’s in the second half. 

    

The Linley and Kidsgrovian pack was massive. (I don’t know what they feed them down here, but just hope Matty Williams doesn’t read this article, he’s still to organise his honeymoon...).

  

So the second half was a struggle, with Sefton camped on their try line defending resolutely for the entire 40 minutes. I don’t think we touched the ball!!

The Linley forwards were relentless, the ‘pick and go’ strategy just kept on rolling.  

  

Anyway, with all hands on deck, backs to the wall, etc, what we really needed was some inspiration...

Step forward Captain Matt “they can’t run without legs” Bland!!!

  

On the edge of the ruck, 10 metres out, one of the 6 Linley props picks up and seeks out the line. 

It’s only Blandie between him and Club House glory.

Blandie crouches down low, to set an example, and lead from the front....

  

It probably didn’t look so bad from a Linley perspective, but it was an absolute train wreck for Sefton, with Matt “why am I on my back” Bland ending up staring at the rainbow, with the uneffected Linley Prop strolling under the posts. 

   

The Sefton forwards were awesome, heavily outweighed in the scrums, it was a credit to the boys that we lost none against the head. I’m sure the Try Guy at 8 has a really long arm, reaching through to take the ball from half, Ben.

Gotta hand it to Handbags Harper, he could well make that second row slot his own!!

We welcome new Prop, Rob, who reminds me a bit of Kev Mainwaring for some reason. Poor Rob thought he needed an enforced 10 minute break to get his breath back today!

As well, young student George was back on the side of the scrum. Just what possessed him to get some bright orange boots is beyond me, they cost him a number of tries, where black boots would’ve walked it in.

The other students were great, defence and fitness making all the difference. 

   

Highlighting Sefton’s pinnacle of desperation, we had Chris McCleary at outside centre today. 

Debutant Alistair, had a good day, slotting neatly into inside centre. Even though he hadn’t been instructed, Ali showed a natural instinctiveness not to pass to McCleary outside him, and the backs were pretty faultless today.

Poor Roscoe, outside McCleary, was never getting anything today. 

He is relatively new to the game, and spent most of the match scratching his head, getting advised by Campo, then overridden by Captain Bland. 

Campo was disappointing at fullback today, with the extremely long grass, there was literally no mud to make anything worthwhile. He seemed content though, during the first half, admiring the spectacular rainbow behind the Linley posts, wondering if My Little Pony or a unicorn might appear. 

   

    

This Week’s Birthday Boy

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Today little Chris McCleary celebrated his 40th birthday. Clearly he had started celebrating early but he also scored an unbelievable, unopposed, 40m try (I didn’t have the heart to tell Chris that I’d organised it with the hugely accommodating Linley team) and then 40 shots of every spirit behind the bar in 4 dirty pint glasses!

Hurrah for Chris!

  

Sorry, did I mention last week that it was Brendo’s birthday? I must’ve mentioned his try!!!.

Blandie has told us that his birthday is next Game, so we all need to make a special effort to ensure he gets his first try ever.

I’ve got a strange feeling that Mike Walsh will never have a birthday. 

    

   

Kicking

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Captain’s Masterclass 1: After an early Guy Try, under the posts, Blandie is demanding the ball, insisting on taking the conversion, despite a number of lads saying they can kick. 

It’s established that there is no kicking tee, so Blandie, to his credit, decides, in the long grass, to drop kick it.

Sadly, the ball was meekly carressed, barely leaving the ground and almost made it to the left post.

It is very rare that we wish that Michael Collins was playing...

  

Captain’s Masterclass 2: On a penalty, rather than take the kick for touch, Blandie taps the ball, passes it to the Prop, Harry, and says, “kick it!”.

Harry, to his credit, hoofs the ball downtown, through the sticks and into the undergrowth. Scrum to Linley on the half way line.

  

Captain’s Masterclass 3: On another penalty, right in the centre of the pitch, Blandie is still of the belief that he can kick (and, of course, he is the Captain).

His kick, to his credit, was directed at the touch line, and only fell short by about 15 metres. Linley race into the Sefton quarter.

It is very rare that we wish that Matty Williams was playing...

   

   

Yacob - What Can’t He Do?

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What has happened to our Yacob???

Last season, he used to run around like an anencephalic chicken but something has changed!!

The special training camp that he attended in the Syrian mountains was surely not a rugby camp??

Today, like last week, Yacob, kinda almost knew what he was doing, and almost did it well.

I picked him up from the pub, he’d been drinking with Chris (drinking before the game: this is generally respected as ‘old school’ by seasoned rugby players).

On the way, Yacob confessed of his seeing-the-light experience: “last year, I realised I was at the pinnacle of my unfitness. I had to change”. 

We were short in the front row, so Yacob stepped up to hook (again, respect, but mainly from old front rowers, who are a ‘special’ breed).

He tackled like a demon - where did his usual fear go??

He ran in the right direction with the ball. Ok, he still has his trademark run, hit, spin 360 degrees, then keep running, but sometimes now, its towards the try line!

And then, when Blandie finally conceded his kicking patheticness (for this week at least), Yacob took a kick for penalty touch that actually went out on the full!

As well, in January, Jacob is going out to India on a charity crusade to help the poor.

  

For me, Yacob was the stand out Man of the Match. But of course, Blandie shouted me down and gave himself that award, on the strength of his one attempted tackle. (It seems a certain precedent was set last year). 

  

  

Injuries

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Of course, when you only take 15 players to a game, you aren’t allowed any injuries.

I think the only issue was some minor concussion to new boy Ali, who went down and started seeing stars (through the rainbow).

We told him he got an accidental knee to the head, but he’d actually joined a maul and headbutted McCleary’s hip flask!

   

    

NB. Guy got the Man of the Match Award. Blandie does not bite the hand that feeds it!