Sefton RUFC

Pre-Match

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Saturday morning (pre-Wailing Wall time), we had 15 men (on paper). Things were looking good.

Then the dreaded text. At 1pm. 

From none other than Mike Walsh, usually a dependable player.

“Sorry Campo, I didn’t sleep well last night, I’m really tired”.

Dear oh dear. We can’t have players who are tired can we?

“Ok Mikey, you get some hot chocolate and have a little rest mate, we will be fine with just 14 men. Don’t let them bed bugs bite!”.

 

And then, on the Oxton pitch at 14:10, just before kick off, we have Alan Harper talking over to our huddle,  casual as you like, dressed in his post man’s kit!!

“Sorry Campo, I didn’t bring my kit”.

Ah bless.

“No problem Handbags, Goulding has brought a spare kit, you’re not getting out of this that easily!!”.

 

 

The Match

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First 15 minutes were absolutely mental!! Sefton could not catch a ball.

Admittedly, Campo was playing at 9 again, but clearly those long lonely passing sessions he spent after training had made a difference.

The fact was that everyone wanted to knock the ball on!!

Thus, Oxton were up a couple of unanswered, gift tries, very early on.

It didn’t help that Handbags was still trying to get out of it by tackling high, but the ref wasn’t going to give him the yellow, he was more than happy just blowing penalties.

Brendo was also not happy with Harper being in the limelight, so he thought he’d do his tackle of the season during the first half as well.

When we talk of Brendo’s Tackle of the Season, it is not, as you’d suspect, a Tackle that is so good, that you’d want to give him an Award.

No, unfortunately, it’s the ONE Tackle that Brendo will make in a Season.

So, in a desperate attempt at attention seeking, Brendo glides in from his hidden wing, and coat hangers the poor 17 year old Oxton half.

I guess the one consolation is that Brendo won’t be giving away any more penalties this season.

  

Some positive points during the game, which are fast fading from memory….

 

PP01. The bookends, Rob Morton and Paddy Arnold, both playing prop. When you look at the condition of these two guys, it was quite remarkable that they did so much around the park today. I think the muddy conditions suited them perfectly.

 

PP02. The scrum. Amazingly, without a number 8, Sefton did well to contain the heavier Oxton pack. This is even more amazing, given that one of the 7 was only Brendo. So credit to the front row, the veteran Lesbo and newbie Roscoe in the second row, and young Adam Hunter on the side.

 

PP03. Adam Hunter. Where did this guy come from? Someone who looks to have played rugby before? Today, was pretty awesome. Lots of ball running, tackling, and an 80 metre runaway try. It doesn’t get much better than that!

 

PP04. An unbelievable try through the back line!! Obviously you are all familiar with the infinite monkey theorem, and today this was proved once again.

Campo passed the ball to fly half Handbags, who drifted left and passed to Mikey Morgan, who straightened and passed to outside centre Goulding, who blindly passed to the flying winger Thomas James, who dived over in the corner.

No one dropped the ball. There was no forward passes, and we didn’t get tackled.

That is up there with the works of Shakespeare, considering Goulding was in the mix.

 

 

 

Kicking

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Good to see Mike Morgan back in action, he figured predominantly in 3 of the 4 kicking disciplines today. 

 

KD1. Restarts from Halfway. 

A noticeable difference without Blandie today. No sharp intake of breath with concern the ball may not go 10. Mikey did ok, patiently targeting an Oxton second rower until the lad eventually knocked on.

Similarly, the Oxton 10 easily found Brendo with all their restarts, and was rewarded every time with a fumbling knock on. How Brendo can catch everything in the lineout but drop everything else is beyond me. Its the same ball surely???

  

KD2. Penalty Kicks for Touch.

Today, fortunately, we had none of that “chase this penalty kick if it doesn’t go out”.

With Mikey’s sole objective to get the ball out, rather than gain any ground, we always got to feed our linnet, sometimes further upfield than where we got the penalty.

  

KD3. Place Kicks for Goal.

I’m not sure if there are any more points awarded for hitting the post with your conversion attempt, but Mikey Morgan really took his “go for the posts” instructions literally.

All of his 4 conversion attempts hit the upright today. Luckily, 2 snuck inside the sticks to allow us to win by 3 points!

  

KD4. Kicks from General Play.

Contrary to the Captain’s pre-game strategy of “No Kicking”, we had Goulding and then Mikey taking it upon themselves to “relieve the pressure”.

Admittedly, they didn’t do so bad, which clearly inspired Matty Williams to get in on the act.

Again, things turned out very well for them, but they should consider themselves LUCKY and NEVER do this again!!

  

  

  

Injuries

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Poor Yacob was on the receiving end of an errant, unintentional elbow and took a short trip to La-La Land (population: Steve Downing).

Regardless of his willingness to continue, this meant the end of the game for poor Yacob, and he played no further part in the game, on the stroke of half time. 

   

 

The Turning Point

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To pin point it, it was on the stroke of half time.

Sefton struggled all the first half and were well behind. 

In the second half, we scored all our points and won the game. 

Oxton were very kind to lend us this guy looked older than Lesbo (Note. Les is the new Richie). And what a difference he made, someone who could hook, throw, run and tackle. Bit of a tactical slip up by the Oxton management there (never underestimate the spurned older player!!).

  

  

Vicarious Embarrassment

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(also known as secondhand, empathetic, or third party embarrassment) is the feeling of embarrassment from observing the embarrassing actions of another person.

Unfortunately, I feel that this is now going to have to be a regular topic in my Match Reports. There are always so many awkward moments within our game that, perhaps, sharing them, will help alleviate the trauma.

  

VE01. Cause: Everyone in the team who inexplicably knocked-on at least once in the first 15 minutes (Roscoe managed it 3 times!!). Victim: Matty William’s mate on the sidelines. He looked very squirmy.

 

VE02. Cause: Brendo at every Oxton kick. He managed to flap about until the ball was firmly knocked-on, with little intention of diving on it. Victim: His 13 Sefton team mates. You can only say, “better luck next time” so much. Poor John Nevill tried to take some heat off Brendo by knocking-on a few times as well.

 

VE03. Cause: Roscoe getting the ball, running backwards for 15 metres, then 10 metres sideways to the left, then 20 metres sideways to the right. Victim: Both teams, and the ref, who was heard to exclaim, “WTF is he doing?”. Roscoe’s explanation? “That, my special friends, is how you rack up 45 metres on your fitbit!”

  

  

  

Prognosis

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Amazing day. I can’t remember the last time Sefton 3s had a win away from home.

Well done to the 14 loyal Seftonites, it was like they had a point to prove to the Sefton Homies that didn’t turn up today!!

 

Fantastic spirit between the 2 sides though, and a very generous gesture by Oxton to lend us the player that made the difference.

Looking forward to hosting these boys when they come to Sefton!!