Sefton RUFC

Pre-Game

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Pre-game Player of the Match went to Iron Mike Collins.

What an effort!

He committed to playing during the week, ONLY to realise, THIS morning, that it’s his daughter’s birthday!

Credit to him, to come and play. Although his wife won’t need the full 80 minutes to get the locks changed at his place.

   

Bloody Harper: He’d be late for his own funeral!!

He tells me that he’s not working today. He lives around the corner from the Police’s ground. And he turns up 5 minutes before kick off!!

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The Match

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A good toss to win. Sefton chose to run uphill.

We did well to keep our heads though, letting the Police score 4 tries in the first half.

“Patience”, urged Captain Campo, “we will get our chance in the second half”.

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Generally, Sefton had to make a lot of tackles on the day. And going high on the big Police ball carriers, the match was played mainly in our quarter.

We were lucky to have a couple of faster guys, with our tries tending to be from way out.

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Once again, new boy John Nevill is showing good progress.

His game is neat, conservative, no nonsense, and very understated.

And yes, John does drive a Volvo.

He is more than happy to leave the glamour stuff to Brendo on the other wing (who only travels in Mercedes Benz’ and Arriva Iveco’s).

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And what about old man Ingham??

Who’da thought Les would still be the best player in the Ingham family?

How does he do it? Defying all those (very harsh) years, tackling low all day, stopping the Police props on his own, receiving some special attention, and lasting 80 minutes!!

He comes from before the Richie Lloyd era (just after cro-magnon, nic-named ‘Lesbo’ before political correctness was even invented!).

He was awesome today and certainly got my vote for Best Player in the second row. 

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As for Sean “Please let me play against the Police so I can seek Redemption” Muirhead.

Well, I guess nothing could ever be as bad as his effort last season, but, to play only 14 minutes, then walk off clutching your heart is not the best way to prove yourself worthy.

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Gotta feel sorry for young Thomas James.

For his A levels, he’s got to make a movie with him as the star…

“Ok”, he thinks, “I’ll get me dad to video me when I play for Sefton 3s”.

I’m not sure how patient Tom’s dad is, but its been like 5 games so far, and I can’t imagine he’d have much footage yet!

Maybe we can orchestrate something in our Mossley Hill Christmas friendly, get everyone to jump outa the way and let him score.

Keep an eye out for the blockbuster, “The Loneliness of a Virgin Try Scorer”.

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Kicking

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In such a close game, I guess the kicking was the only difference in the 2 sides.

Kicking for goal that is.

Sefton got all their goal conversions, while the hapless Police kicker was not so fortunate. Perhaps the Sefton 3s Motto was the difference: “Force them to score out wide”.

(although their missed drop goal conversion attempt, from underneath the sticks, was a bit cringey). 

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The Turning Point

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In a word: Half Time. 

The police ran riot in the first half, scoring 4 tries to 1.

Sefton played the second half running downhill, towards the Mersey. 

We also scored 4 tries running downhill. 

Blandie will also tell you his master stroke was putting Campo at fullback in the second half, where he was kept well away from the action.

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Late Drama

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With Sefton clinging to their 5 point lead, and the relentless Police brutally battering us on our tryline, they finally knock the ball on. 

A relieving scrum to Sefton!

With only a minute to go, Blandie rips the ball from Irish Ali’s hands and says, “I better feed this scrum!”.

Sefton’s scrum holds and we win the ball!

Blandie blindly lashes the ball into the in goal area, and little Irish Ali sprints in and only just manages to fall back into the field of play!!!

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Late, Late Drama

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The entire Sefton pack scrambles over Ali (staying on their feet of course).

We are in overtime now, the 80 minutes is up.

The ball is secured but ends up in the hands of the clueless Prop, Paddy Arnold!!!

Clearly the ONLY option is to hoof the ball out, but....  Paddy Arnold???

No one can recall Paddy ever touching a rugby ball, let alone kick one! He is a Prop for God’s sake!!

But, cometh the hour, cometh the man, and Paddy launches the ball towards the touch line.

But it falls short! It is pounced on by the flying Police winger, who dances down the touchline....

There is only one Sefton player to beat. The newbie winger, John Nevill. 

Now John may be new to rugby, but he has had that Volvo for many, many years, and to shunt the Police out of his Lane, is like a second nature to him!

The Police lad is forced out and the game is over. 

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Late, Late, Late Drama (Queen)

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Clearly not wanting to be outdone by his fellow Prop, Mike Collins waited till after the final whistle to make his presence felt today.

After we’d sung our “Fat Bottom Girls” song, we were walking back to the changies, when we heard a loud high pitched squeal. 

Turning, we see Mike Collins, prostrate out on the grass, crying away, pointing at his florescent orange (non Sefton) socks. 

“What’s wrong mate?”, we all ask.

“Is there some mud on your sock, or a ladder?”.

“Are your shin pads chaffing?”.

“Is your sock tape too tight?”.

“No”, screams Mike, “it’s cramp!”.

We all laugh and continue walking.

How can a man with only 2 speeds (‘Stop’, and ‘Glacial’) get cramp?? 

That Mike has been watching too much of that soccer!!

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Back in the changies, covered in mud, we found the showers were only good for the first couple of lads, with only a cold trickle for the rest of us.

Fortunately, all dirty thoughts were forgotten when presented with the excellent curry and chips in the bar!

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Goulding - the Gift we’re still waiting to get Given.

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For some constant, loud, incessant reason, it feels that James Goulding has been with us for many years. 

So why does he still not know that Rugby is a Team Game?

Why are we only hearing of his heroics?

Has anyone else scored a try for Sefton, other than James “You Can’t Spell ‘Awesome’ Without Me” Goulding?

Heaven help his family, and the packed van of lads he takes to Port Tolbert, after his try today. A try that was based on great team work and back up. Placing the ball down is really only the final moment in a TEAM effort.

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Author’s Addendum

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Worry not, dear reader, there was no hospital trip / placebo cast for Iron Mike!

He was seen in the bar later on, in deep discussion with fellow Kicking Prop, Paddy Arnold.

Mike was showing Paddy a specialist dark web site that sells fluorescent Rugby Boots (in Prop sizes).