Sefton RUFC

Pre-Match

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With 7 of the 3rd Team today attending training on Tuesday (this has to be a record at ANY club!!), I was looking forward to seeing some improvement from the start of the game. 

  

When we arrived at Moore, a few of us were impressed with Moore’s training regime: one of their well fed forwards slowly limbering up in front of the Clubhouse, with a ciggie in his mouth.

  

  

The Match

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Played in pretty good spirits although some frustration with the number of penalties. 

Moore’s game plan centred on their rolling forwards but they had some handy backs too. 

Sefton, in the end, couldn’t hold the ball long enough to edge it. 

  

A nice (penalty) try to new boy, Mikey Dempsey, who is proving quite a handful (Try Assist: Blandie (so he says)).

Good to see Tom James step into the 9 position. His mate Farice played strongly in the centres, a sound coupling with the solid Dave “The Windmill” Willis. 

Thanks to Downing’s young mate, Dan (where does Downing find these strapping fit boys?), doing a job at fullback. 

  

  

The Turning Point

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It was so tight at half time. 

Nothing it it.

The second half started and then really, it was all over. 

Moore had taken off their 51 year old Number 9, wrapped him in some cotton wool dress, and brought on this young guy that knew what he was doing!!!

Sefton couldn’t exploit the Moore chink in the armour anymore, and the game was over.

  

  

Kicking

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Some of you may have seen sportspeople throw some grass into the air and watch which way the wind carries it.

Golfers do it, to judge the strength of any breeze.

Today, with the gale force wind blasting straight across the pitch, you didn’t have to be Tiger Woods to work out which way your balls were going to hang.

  

Early in the first half, Sefton get a penalty, about 5 metres from the touch line.

Up steps Mike Collins (he’s our glamour Prop: excessively taped strawberry blonde hair, immaculate pristine jersey (how does he keep it so clean?), dazzling white, figure hugging shorts (he “dresses” to the left), fluorescent taped up socks (does he have a Work Screwdix Account?) and brand new boots every week (must be a sponsorship deal?)).

  

Of course, Mike can kick. He used to play soccer in an earlier, more agile, life. He’s got calves bigger than Brendo’s thighs and burgeoning buttocks that are rated steatopygic. 

So, 5 metres from the touch line, first kick of the day, let’s make some easy ground, thinks Mike, as he hoofs the ball off the pitch. 

The ball sails out….

Then sails back in, to a willing Moore fullback, 5 metres from the touch line, who has his first run of the day, and makes some easy ground.

  

Suffice to say, every penalty we got afterwards, went sailing over the other touchline, no matter where we got the penalty, Mike just had to put the ball in the air and leave it for the gale. 

  

Note. Our other ginger Prop, the un-glamorous Rob, and Paddy, managed to bear Mike’s workload. 

  

  

Roscoe - the Enigma

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Who is Roscoe? You may well ask. 

Well, he’s another Community Service project we’ve initiated, where we’ve taken him off the streets and tucked under our ample wing. I think we found him in his parent’s basement.

I’m not sure if we are receiving any Council grant but it clearly is going to be a long journey for Roscoe. 

Each week, he has shown some improvement.

Positionally he has moved from the wing to the second row. There are people who say this is a step up.

Roscoe must be studying the game though, knowing that one’s involvement can be measured, in terms of statistics.

“Metres”, and “Passes” are some of those statistics.

At training next Tuesday, we will have to explain that it is “FORWARD Metres”, and that throwing to someone looking incredulously wide eyed and mouth gapingly at you, doesn’t really count. 

Don’t worry though Roscoe, there were some people that appreciated that hospital pass to the bewildered Blandie. 

  

  

Injuries

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Poor old Lesbo. 

A unwitting recipient of an unwanted ball in the first minute of the game, the well fed Moore forwards swarmed, driving Les backwards and stealing the ball. 

And that, unfortunately, concluded Les’s involvement today.

Les' Stats:

    Minutes: 1

    Tack Les: 0

    Passes: 0

    Carries: 1

    Metres: -10

    Turnovers: -1

Fear not, lipstick Lesbo, there were some people that thought your early departure improved the Sefton team. 

  

  

The New Goulding?

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In the few times I’ve been driven by Blandie over the years, I’ve seen that he cannot actually drive and talk at the same time  

I don’t know, must be something to do with conflicting motor skills or whatever.

Today though, Brendo and me got it in both trips, as I drove Blandie to and from the game. 

It seems that Blandie has that uncanny ability to remember all the things he has ever down on the right pitch, and his “amazing wizardry” has set up every Sefton try, and win every Sefton game!

“Amazing”, thought Brendo and me, “is Blandie the new Goulding?”.

Blandie spent the return trip telling of his major involvement in Yacob’s 70 metre solo try against the Police last year, which got Brendo and me thinking, “when is Blandie going to join Mossley Hill??”.

  

  

The Ref

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Fantastic to see a new referee today, a young lad keen to blow the whistle. A breath of fresh air really, given that most of our refs are older than me!

14 years of age, we congratulated him in the bar afterwards, and look forward to seeing him again. 

We left him at our tables, courteously collecting our unfinished drinks....

  

  

Goulding - the Gift we’re happy to give away

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You may be wondering where our column hogging James Goulding is this week.

Without him (and Chris McCleary), it’s a pretty boring Match Report. 

It seems that the 2s have started hearing of Goulding’s exploits (it certainly wasn’t from me!), and today he got a call up to the next level. 

No doubt, if you ask him, he was solely responsible for their surprise win today, inspiring some rare involvement from the demure Deep Pete and a modestly blushing Brian. 

Surely the call from the First Team will be coming soon??

With the Firsts crumbling again today, away to the League leaders, perhaps next week, away against second place, Goulding could finally get his career crippling comeuppance.

A tough couple of fixtures for the Firsts, astute planning though, from Coach Jamie Luck, with his 2 week school skiing trip.

Not so astute though, from the not forward thinking Captain Liam, who managed to get “Dial-a-Crutch” in this morning for a mysterious, instant, hurty ankle.