Sefton RUFC

Sat 4 Sep 2021

Northwich 3rd XV

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Sefton 3rd XV

Northwich 3rd XV

Sefton 3rd XV

Pre-Match

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It’s been a long time coming. 18 months and this damn Covid. But it was good to be back.

It’s a long journey to Northwich. Longer still, if the M62 is shut and Muirhead is directing you. The circular route that Lanky took to arrive at the same place he was 15 minutes earlier surely got the boys aggression levels at “high”.

Contrary to Lanky’s journey, we in Jamie’s car were being put through Jamie’s “Anger Management” playlist of Celine Dion and Adele. None of us were gunna get sin binned today!

Poor Dobie. We couldn’t tell him why would his daughter would want him to play rugby on her birthday. The poor lad turned up with no rugby kit at all! It’ll take a while for him to get into the Friday night sleep pattern, wearing all his kit to bed and getting dropped at the locked Club gates first thing Saturday morning.

The End of an Error

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With the Sefton Second Team now under new Leadership, everyone was wondering what was going to happen to Lanky now.

Would he ever play again? Who would pick him to play? Will he take his lineout throw into Netball now?

Fortunately, real Captain Campo thought he’d give Lanky a run, just this once. In a game which was a long way away, Lanky’s big people mover car, coupled with his heavy blue klinky bag, allowed him to play on the bench.

The Warm Up

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Going through our paces, we find out that Northwich only have 13 players today. Fortunately, Sefton have 4 subs, and should be able to help out. Proper Captain Campo and Gorgeous volunteer to even up the numbers.

Blandie voice rung loudest, so he was nominated as Sefton Captain.

The Match

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Northwich got off to a flying start, with 3 early unanswered tries, before Gorgeous was switched back into a Sefton shirt.

Then, basically, it was a throwback to my Under 8s days, when the team’s sole strategy was to give the ball to their fastest player, and let him run riot.

Similarly, Northwich were endowed with this massively fast (and strong) lad. From Bolton apparently.

Sefton did their utmost to get the ball into Billy Wizz’s hands at every opportunity, and watch him do his magic.

Northwich did the same, but unfortunately their wonderboy was suffering hurty knee, which swung the pendulum in Sefton’s favour.

Wrapped around the many individual tries, were many team mistakes. Understandable really, as most of us hadn’t touched a rugby ball in 18 months.

New Season, New Rules

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For those that were wondering how Jamie Luck would adapt to the new rules this season, after clearly having no grasp of the previous ones, he managed to stay on the pitch for the full 80 minutes!

Perhaps there is a new rule now though, that allows you to continually get penalised for “not rolling away”, but not get sin binned?? This rule fell perfectly into Jamie’s ample lap. A lap that has just returned from beaching itself for the last 2 weeks on some Greek island, practising not rolling.

The Try

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Sadly, Blandie got in the act.

Somehow, by some amazing intuitiveness, Blandie worked out that Billy Wizz was going to get the ball, so he sprinted for the Northwich in goal area, and waited for Billy to sprint towards him.

He shouts, “I’m your Captain, you have to give me the ball!”. And thus, Blandie’s 2021/22 try is now accounted for.

One can only imagine the despair sHamling felt on the return car journey, with Blandie in full regale-iation, competing with Goulding’s usual match winning prognosis.

Kicking

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sHamling started the match but was hastily replaced by Gorgeous when he came on for Sefton. To be honest, I thought Gorgeous kicked pretty well, on the penalty kicks for touch. Certainly there was no panicing when Gorgeous put ball to boot.

I’m not really sure what game sHamling was watching though, as he told me in the bar afterwards, “Did you see Gorgeous’ kicking today? All rubbish. Not one of his kicks found touch”.

As for the goal kicking, it seems the 2 year layoff for Mike has worked wonders. Our bleached, svelte, florescent boot flavoured Brummie prop must have forgotten what not to do! He nailed them from everywhere.

The Hands of God

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You’ll all have no doubt been wondering what has become of Brendon Scissorhands.

Well my friends, as Brendo will proudly tell everyone at the Magic Bar, there was “not one dropped ball today”.

Having the opportunity to watch Brendo today, it was true that he didn’t drop anything.

But it was also true that he was never in a position to receive the ball either.

What is clear, is that Brendo has used this 18 month sabbatical to study, and succeed, in his “Action Area Avoidance” strategy.

The Late Injection

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For reasons unknown, Northwich had kept a secret weapon on the sidelines for most of the match. It was only in the dying minutes that Dan was brought on to play at 10 for Northwich. Young Dan looked the part, and was soon heavily involved.

With Sefton being pressed in their own 22, lipstick Captain Blandie decides on a long clearing kick, which rolls almost to the halfway line. The alert Dan, in resplendent headgear, pounced on the loose ball, looked up towards the sticks, and began a run that involved sidesteps, swerves, veers, jilts and (I think) a goosestep that left most of the Sefton players flounding in his wake.

Dan’s try under the posts may have been too little, too late, but it roused a sense of infectious joyous conviviality amoungst the players, who clambered to congratulate him.

Of course, there was the conversion to take. Dan took his time. (Was he named after Dan Carter we wondered?). The crowd was silent. No one could kick a goal into that howling gale we thought. But coolly and calmly, the ball was sweetly struck, and it sailed unfalteringly between the sticks for the extra points, which may be handy at the end of the season.

The final whistle was blown, and Sefton breathed a sigh of relief.