Sefton RUFC

Sat 8 Oct 2022

Mossley Hill 2nd XV

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Sefton 3rd XV

Mossley Hill 2nd XV

Sefton 3rd XV

Pre-Game Build Up

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Sefton went into the game today pretty confident, being told that the opposition were struggling for players, with a number of debutantes as well. But Sefton were happy to lend, as we had done with Waterloo last month.

We were buoyed by the return of Carl Ross, and eagerly looked forward to some of his bollocking runs.

We also had the 60 year old Paul Walker available, for his last every game (it seems he is ok to go back to Thailand now).

The usual begging, and lying, had been done to ensure Ian Ross would prop for us too (sorry Lanky – surely you’re used to washing Ian’s kit by now!).

As well, newly wed Gez had been allowed out, just as long as he stayed in view of home’s front door.

The Game

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You can imagine our surprise when the Mossley Hill “2s” came out on the pitch. Mossley Fixture Secretary Pete had surely done them a disservice, and he really should have a better opinion of his team in future.

It took a number of minutes, and a number of ruanaway tries before we overcame our surprise.

“Stick it up the jumper” was the call from the forwards.

Sefton began the grind.

In the future, when they talk about phase rugby, they’ll talk about the Sefton 3s today.

Pick and run, pop, pick and run.

Endlessly hammering the Mossley Hill tryline.

And the rewards were just. After 4 phases, without even knocking the ball on, the Sefton forwards fell over the tryline.

We did this throughout game. It wasn’t pretty, but what game with 3 or 4 Ross’ is?

Today’s man of the match wsa young Lanky, who proved that skill, handling and fearlessness is NOT hereditary (well, not from his father anyway).

Kicking Update

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Any team with Precious Dave Almond in it, will never have any problems with kicking.

We were pretty lucky to have Dave today, he has been given a week off from his fertilisation duties, and he showed his class around the ruck, and kicking for touch.

“Brendo The Magnificent”

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I am beginning to run out of superlative when I talk of Brendo.

We’ve talked about his magnificent disappearing act, his magical bar performances, his conjuring Uber trick, but now we talk of his finishing act.

No, sadly, he isn’t hanging up his boots.

Brendo, in the prime of his life, has been showing us how to score a try gracefully.

A few weeks ago, I touched upon him finishing against a rampant Southport.

Last week, he didn’t score, but showed potential promise with a onme-handed, round-the-back pass that confused everyone.

And today, he scored a try worthy of a flying NRL winger, reaching out to touch down just inside the corner post while the rest of his body was halfway down the hill towards the Police’s pitch.

Beaten like a ginger stepson

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Poor Ian Ross.

Dragged out from retirement yet again today.

It was his family that brought him up to the Hill *. They struggled with his wheelchair, getting it to the precipice, and then shoved him over the edge….

Unfortunately for Rossy, he fell upon our pitch, where we strapped on his leg calapers and threw him into the front row.

But credit to the big fella, he continued to take the ball into the willing Mossley Hill forwards, taking countless knocks until he finally hit the canvas.

He insists he was knocked out.

But when he looked around, at his fellow Seftonites, he wasn’t seeing stars.

Something did knock the stuffing out of him though, the volume went quickly from 11 down to 1, and this made us realise there was something wrong.

Off he went, for a HIA (Head Injury Assessment).

(NB. A HIA, at this level of the game, involves wondering over to the sideline, having a drink of water, then getting called straight back on for the next scrum).

More New Rules

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We were fortunate to have a new referee today, one that was keen to impress, and, hopefully, will go far.

He was being assessed though, and perhaps this has an influence on his game.

Poor Jay Dempsey quickly learnt the new rule, about diving on a loose ball (it has to be 1 metre from the ruck or scrum).

And then there was JP McDonald, setting a new record for the fastest yellow card in history.

There is another new rule, it seems, concerning entry to the ruck….

Poor JP, who had waited patiently as our substitute, for half the game, before Paddy Arnold sprinted off, with a sore back.

JP had only just set foot onto the pitch, before the ref blew his whistle and brandished his yellow card:

”Coming on from the side – 10 minutes in the bin”, shouts the ref.

We are all gobsmacked. This is the first time the 3s have ever had a substitute.

Hail Goulding

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Not by choice, I was listening to James Goulding after the game today.

Goulding was going on how good a rugby player he is. Again.

I recalled the old saying: if you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.

Looking at Goulding, with his dark, distinctive comb over fringe, covering the left half of his forehead, it is easy to picture him with a toothbrush moustache, shouting away to the masses, but clearly his lies aren’t big enough….

Summation

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So yes, if you were going to buy a second hand car off Pete Barnett, I would recommend it.

As a salesman, he severely undersells himself, and what he’s promoting as a lemon, could well be a hidden gem.

Yours,

Campo x