Sefton RUFC

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NOTE: THIS IS A RE-ARRANGED DOUBLE-HEADED FIXTURE. SEFTON WON 40-39.

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The Numbers

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A low day for Sefton’s glorious Threes.

Only managing to scrape together 9 lads for a home game against a team below them in the league.

9 lads, that included virtual virgins in young Dan, Tom, Chris Lewis and Louis, a retired stalwart in Jamie Luck, a 57 year old (who insists he is like 3 19 year olds), and an unfit Brian Gardner *.

Wallasey hadn’t fared much better, but did bring 11 keen players, although 2 were from Birkenhead Park.

In the true spirit of the RFU’s “Game On” campaign, we decided to play.

* Ok, that didn’t need to be stipulated. Who has ever known a fit Brian Gardner?

  

  

The Game Plan

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FINALLY!!!

A Campo Game Plan finally comes good.

Today, we opted for Game Plan B: “Make them score out wide, and hope hope they’ll miss the conversion”.

This proved a MASTERCLASS of Eddie Jones proportion!

We let Wallasey score 7 tries out wide, and they only kicked 2 of their conversions.

* It is very fortunate that we used Game Plan B today, if it was an odd numbered day, we would have been on Game Plan A: “Make them score under the posts – we can waste a lot of time retrieving their conversions”. This would have been disasterous. As usual.

  

    

The Match

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Close match today. High scoring, as you’d expect with so much space.

But the difference was Sefton’s finishing.

The 6 Sefton tries were all scored under the posts, with Jamie Luck drop kicking 5 conversions.

Whereas Wallasey were FORCED to score their 7 tries out wide.

 

In regards the standard of play, there was not much to write home about.

In a game where possession, and patience, is paramount, we had both teams trying to score in the first phase.

This basically meant lots of running around with a hot potatoe, until the ref called a forward pass or knock on.

The 3 man scrums were constant.

 

Wallasey had this young lad on the left wing. Looked like he had a bit of toe on him.

Happily, with the majority of the Wallasey team were limited to only pass right handed, this poor winger didn’t see much ball.

 

There was a lot of screaming today, mostly from 50 yards behind backplay: “run you lazy bastard” and “get up there and help him!”.

This generally went unheeded.

 

   

The End of an Era

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This week, we’ve had to put up with the RFU’s declaration of “Below Waist Tackling”.

It seems the start of a rugby decline, with the barring of the ‘Seat Belt’, the ‘Spear’ and the ‘Coathanger’.

Soon no one will be allowed to tackle (Sefton 3s have been preparing for this).

 

Thankfully, we were reminded of the good ol’ days today, with Jamie Luck being on the receiving end of a nice bit of forearm-to-the-back-of-the-head treatment.

Admittedly, Jamie did kind of ask for it, taking the final pass in a sweeping Sefton move, and was nonchalantly WALKING the ball in under the posts. This tauntingness probably didn’t make him more popular with the English Wallaseyians (who are probably still allowed to use a long bow against the Welsh), and Jamie was met from behind, rather forcibly, with a nicely timed swinging arm. Well timed, but not good enough to stop Jamie scoring.

We were more than fortunate to have an old school ref today though, who went by they old rule that Number 9s get everything they deserve, so the Wallasey player was cheered back up for the restart (even some of the Wallasey players clapped).

 

   

The Jug

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It is fantastic to have new players in the team.

New players that don’t know old traditions.

Today, on his Sefton debut, the young, but not-so-young looking Tom Donnelly proudly stepped out for his first game.

 

Tom had been recommended to Sefton by his work colleague, Alan ‘Handbags’ Harper.

It would seem they both sit in Royal Mail vans opening our mail – when they aren’t striking!

By his unfortunate association, we were expecting Tom to be full of bark, no bite, and there’d be no need to get his shirt laundered after that game, but he surprised us all.

Tom scored 3 tries * today. (This is probably more than Harper scored in his 53 years at the Club!).

This will probably be the last time Tom will score 3 tries for Sefton, because he didn’t know of Sefton’s ‘3 Try’ jug tradition. Next game, he’ll probably stop at 2 tries, to save his money **.

A credit to the tee-totalling Tom though, he did buy a jug for the lads after the game. I let him talk me through his tries, while the jug lasted.

It was worth it, giving him the Man of the Match Award.

 

* These tries. They were not what you would call ‘quick’. Lets just say that Tom isn’t doing much to deter the Royal Mail’s ‘snail mail’ euphemism.

** There’s a good chance that Tom is blissfully unaware of Sefton’s ‘Jug Avoidance’ jug tradition.

 

   

The Turning Points

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TP1. The Wailing Wall.

The first turning point was actually on Saturday morning, with Lanky howling in the Sefton car park, reading his player’s text messages of family deaths, incurable diseases and urgent overtime commitments.

He has lost 4 of his 15 players.

 

But lucky Lanky knows he has the pick of the Third Team Player Tree, and promply pilfers Brendo, Blandie and Keeno.

One man’s loss is another man’s gain they say. But the Threes actually benefitted from Blandie’s promotion.

Had Blandie been in the 3s today, knowing we only had 9 men, he would have called the game off. (“I am NOT playing unless we have the full 15”).

  

TP2. The Faulty Stockings.

Have I told you of another parasite that is creeping into the game? Men wearing stockings.

One of these ‘men’, is Chris McCleary. He is of the Lanky ilk (although Chris is not wearing shin pads yet).

 

We found out today, that these stockings do not make yourself invincible.

Chris had been confidently playing, knowing that his stockings would protect his legs from that awful mud.

But he ended up getting tackled near the end of the game, and hurt his leg.

Sefton were down by 6 points then, and with Chris still crying out for his mother, Wallasey were asking the ref to call the game short.

The ‘home’ ref wasn’t swayed though, and with Chris rolled off, Sefton turned things around and scored the winning try / conversion.

At the final whistle, we could see Chris sprinting back to his brief case, checking to see the warranty on his stocking’s receipt.

   

  

The New Goulding?

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Scarily / Worryingly, we still have the Old Goulding, but we may well have just unearthed a protégé in young Dan, who hails from the town of Rugby.

The similarities are disturbing:

S1. Talks a great game.

S2. Nobody passes him the ball.

S3. Does NOT score tries, but talks of the ones that got away.

S4. Short and always irritationally cheerful and chirpy.

I will make an effort to take young Dan under my wing, try and put him on the straight and narrow.

Otherwise it could be a long and lonely path for him…

 

   

The New Brendo?

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A few of us have come across the quiet and unassuming Louis.

He turns up eagerly at training, but seems to have a touch the Brendo’s when there is action abound *.

Let’s just say that he doesn’t need a shower after the game, and his jersey looks brand new.

 

Today Louis decided to go from zero, to hero.

For 99% of the game, Louis does his best Brendo impression (although it is VERY hard to hide with so few people on the pitch).

With the game deep into injury time, Sefton are clinging to their 1 point lead.

A rampaging Wallasey second rower is in the clear, and heading for the winning try.

But, out of nowhere, Louis appears before him. There’s a clatter, a dubious pass, and the whistle is blown.

Louis has won us the game.

 

* Although I do have an arousing memory of his Brian Gardner inspired Tackle of the Season at Waterloo.

  

  

Prognosis

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Firstly, a big thanks to Kenny and the lads from across the water. The game went ahead due to his drive and commitment.

The match was well contested and I felt that most people enjkoyed themselves, which is all you want at this level.

  

But yes, I don’t know where this game is coming to really.

Pony tails, shin pads, stockings, coloured boots. I just learnt they use fabric softener when they wash our kit.

You let these things into our game, and now they want us to bend our backs to tackle.

It used to be a tough game. For men.

But, if you can’t beat ‘em….

(I am off to see Lanky’s hosier).

 

SWALK

Campo x