Sefton RUFC

Sat 7 Jan 2023

Sefton 3rd XV

7 - 76

West Park (St Helens) 3rd XV

Sefton 3rd XV

West Park (St Helens) 3rd XV

The Numbers
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Once again, Sefton’s men’s teams defy the age old law of shit flowing downhill, with the Friday night First Team taking the pick of the 2s, and the 2s taking our Brendo, Matty Williams, Dan Craig and Adam Hunter.
This left the 3s with just 11 players to defend the Sefton honour.
With a strong West Park team only allowed to play 12, we were faced with a very open game, with lots of open spaces.
A gentlemans agreement of "No Kicking" was eagerly accepted between both teams.
 
 
The Game Plan
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With so much open space, and so few numbers, Sefton sought to slow things down.
Scrums, we decided, are a great waste of time, so whenever we got the ball, we knocked on.
Showing a cute strategic a cumin, Captain Campo also came up with the masterclass directive:
  "I only want each of you to do only one thing this game: Score a Try.
   If you can do just this one thing, I guarantee you a win".
 
 
The Match
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West Park had this blonde bruiser, who caught most of the restarts, and ran amok, scoring tries at will.
On the few occasions he did get tackled, he stayed down, feigning injury (most likely to catch his breath).
He was West Park’s Erling Haaland.
Sefton had Brian Gardner playing at 8 today.
It looks like Brian had a really good Christmas, time well spent resting and eating.
Out on the pitch today, Brian wasn’t eating.
He was Sefton’s Razor Ruddock.
 
 
Blandie and The YouTube
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Junior school male teacher Blandie looked to have put all his Chrimbo holidays trawling The YouTube again.
He wants to bring something new to his game every week, and his "Rugby Skills" search is proving fruitful.
Clearly avoiding keywords like "tackling" and "commitment", Blandie has stumbled upon, "The Dummy".
I’ve gotta hand it to him, he has learnt very well.
Admittedly, at a very high price, Blandie was sold The Dummy on numerous occasions today.
He played the The Dummy’s supporting role perfectly. So well, he could well be The Dummy.
Next week, he confided in me, he wants to introduce "The Fend". I think he likes the idea of laying on his back a lot.
 
 
The Match Winning Try
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As we all know, when playing rugby at the lowest level, the unwritten, world wide rule is:
    Whoever Scores the Last Try, Wins the Game
It doesn’t matter who scored the previous 12 tries, it all comes down to the final play.
And that final play was a superb individual try by Sefton, and a successful conversion to cap it off.
A credit to West Park though, they accepted the Sefton win, with good grace.
 
 
The Stats
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Scrums: All won by Sefton
Yes, I know, it sounds like the 2nd Team Repeating Match Report Record: "We last the game 80-0 but battered them in the forwards".
But it was true, we did batter West Park in the scrums.
A big credit to big Richard and Paddy in the front row, with Dobie and Jay Spencer in the second row.
It is worth noting, that West Park were short 2 props all game, with the diminutive Ro and delicate Harland stepping up.
  
Forward Metres Run: 28m
Tough one this, with no one ever penetrating the West Park defence.
Gunna have to give it to Richard though, I reckon he made about 3 metres whenever he took the ball up, and he made about a 10 runs, in a straight line.
  
Lateral Metres Run: 280m Goulding was in his element today.
When he got the ball, he could only be described as a chicken with his head cut off.
Running around in a very confined area, maybe like a small chicken coop.
West Park stood bemused, watching Goulding tire himself out.
Sefton stood back, for fear of being run into.
They say its best to give space to peope having epileptic seizures. 

 
Assists: Blandie, hands down
Assists are defined as the player who provides the try scorer with the ball.
Today, Blandie took the 12 Sefton restarts.
Nonchalantly sweeping the ball about 12 metres into the eagerly awaiting Erling Haaland, who gaily skipped around the Sefton defense to score at will.
Most of the Sefton players didn’t even bother walking back to the half way line after each West Park try, it made more sense just waiting in the in-goal area, rather than constantly to-ing and fro-ing the 50 metres.
 
Most Impressive Debut: Dan, from Rugby
Desperate times today, we snuck young Dan on to help with the numbers.
Ok, he is only 2 years short of the minimum 17 years of age, so we put him on the wing.
Unfortunately, in a team of only 11 players, the wing is also covering the outside centre and fullback positions.
A credit to Dan though, he must’ve made about 10 try saving tackles on the Sefton try line.
But he was on his own, the rest of his team were usually still on the half way line ready for Blandie’s restart.
There was one phase, when Dan tackled a West Park player, who passed the ball to a team mate, who also got tackled by Dan, but he also passed to a team mate, who was tackled by Dan as well.
This second guy managed to pass to a third guy, who managed to skip away from a diving Dan.
Dobie looked on disgustedly, muttering something about the next generation just giving up.
Somehow I feel that Dan regrets buying those new Sefton Shorts and Socks before the game, he probably feels he has to come back again now….
 
Biggest Comeback: (shared) Jay Spencer and Giz
Its been many years since we’ve seen either of these 2 spent Sefton forces.
But today, the 9 of us welcomed Jay and Giz back with open arms. Very wide open arms.
Big Jay has literally been on his deathbed for a few years, but looks to have beaten what ever was thrown at him (I don’t think it was “starvation”).
Well done mate, on your 30 minutes today.
And a slimmed down version of the flying Fijian, Giz, surprised us all (those that thought he would have been quicker after loosing so much weight).
Giz did pull of a number of bone crunching tackles.
 
Best Quote of the Day: "Our flankers aren’t doing a good job".
Thank you James Goulding. 100% correct.
The flankers did let us down today, they did nothing.
Hopefully someone has explained to Goulding which positions are missing when you’ve only 11 players and have a 6 man scrum.
 
Most Minutes: Jonno Keen
Today, for the first ever time, Jonno played the whole game.
Admittedly, both halves were a lot shorter than 40 minutes, due to the match’s one sidedness, and this probably threw Jonno a bit, he must have badly mistimed his usual pre-arranged injury and walk off.
 
 
Prognosis 

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If only the other 10 Sefton players had stuck to our game plan, it would have been quite different.
Perhaps it is my fault though, I should have set the example a little earlier in the game, showing the lads how to score a try.
Perhaps this is something we need to practice at training, getting the ball and placing it over the tryline.
Perhaps we need to get to practice more.

Lets hope the lads forget this quickly and have better luck next week.