Sefton RUFC

It’s About the Journey

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After constantly going out of my way twice weekly to give Blandie a lift to and from the Club, today I rang him to say I won’t be driving, as I’d be treating myself to a beer or 2 after the match.

For a change.

Blandie said ok. I said that I’d be getting the 61. Blandie said ok.

While I was waiting forever at the bus station, I had a good think about the charitable work I do, the caring responsibilities I’ve taken on as 3s Captain, and I saw Blandie and his family drive past, en route to the Club, all pointing at me and laughing.

You think you know people….

   

  

The Numbers

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The travelling Oxtonians did well, in these austere days, to bring 13 players over the water.

Amoungst them, 3 or 4 outside backs of dubious age, which had some of the experienced Sefton players looking forward to the showers after the game.

Oxton only had 13 lads, and so 2 loyal Seftonites went over to lend a hand.

   

  

Involvement, Commitment, and Jamie Luck

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Thanks to Lanky’s plagerised “Chicken and Pig” anecdote last week, we are now all aware of the levels of commitment we have amoungst our players.

Today though, we may have to add another classification….

After listening to him cry all week about how bad he felt (he’s like the New Andy Barnes!!), imagine my surprise when I saw Jamie “I’ve got the worst kind of Covid” Luck turn up with his kit while we were warming up!!

Before he gets even close, I’m telling him “to go away” in no uncertain terms!

People may consider Jamie’s thoughtlessness may have something to do with ultimate commitment, but the fact that he stayed in the Clubhouse and didn’t even come down and lend some support during the game, made me think otherwise.

I was hoping Jamie would have given us a “you were in my thoughts”, but “you guys are nothing to me” is the far end of the scale.

 

   

The Game Plan

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Today, being ‘forward heavy’, both teams seemed to adapt the same game plan:

“10 Man Rugby” was the clear order of the day.

With a slight variation on “keeping in the pack and then kicking it”, both Sefton and Oxton concentrated on scrummaging and knocking on.

The ref caught on very quickly, and from the start, deemed every lineout to be “not straight” and ordered a 15 metre scrum.

Who’d’ve thought all 3 stakeholders would have the same idea, but after 80 minutes, we were scrummaging perfectly!

   

  

The Match

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Basically, it was a scrum fest.

Sefton tried to score from every phase, until they knocked on.

The Oxton skipper, Captain Kurt, tried to protect his young outside backs, ensuring that they avoided and contact.

Admittedly, at 9, Kurt mainly ran on his own, or deliberately threw such a terrible pass, the kids outside knocked on.

No problem, all for the “Scrum Improvement” cause.

But as a spectacle, it was only those that like watching overweight, overage men pushing up against each other, that took any real pleasure in watching today.

It was a shame that would didn’t get to see some fast attacking play from the young guns, Dan, Tom, Matty or Isaac. Or even a little veering run fvrom Goulding, but the

   

  

The Try # 1

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It was fortunate that the game was only 3 minutes old, when Brian scooted through after a scrum and scored a very soft try.

Anything after 3 minutes for Brian is essentially known as “rest or walking” time.

The softness of the try was disheartening though, I thought, if Brian can score against Oxton, this is gunna be a big scoring game!

(from an Oxton point of view, it shouldn’t have been a try, with Dobie being Brian’s front man and ‘crossed’ about 4 Oxton defenders out of play).

So, you’ve been warned. Don’t ask Brian anything. Not even, “how are you mate?”.

“Free Beer Scrounger” Alert: This is Brian’s second try this season. One more and it’ll be a jug!

   

  

The Try # 2

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There was a healthy cowd today, and I’ve noticed that new boy Richard steps up when there’s a gallery.

Today he brought his mate Paul down to watch.

And today, Richard clearly made an effort not to go down injured all the time, and got seriously interested when Sefton were pressing the Oxton line.

Sefton had been pounding tirelessly at a relentless Oxton defence, and really needed an 18 stone bludgeon to penetrate the line. (Brian, “my work is done”, had naturally gotten straight off after his try, and big Paddy was more than happy with the ‘pro fit’ full figure hugging tightness of the Oxton playing shirt).

Matty Cunningham had literally worn himself out with his reverse-running carries, but then Blandie found a rampant Richard, thrusting himself through the Oxtonian pack to fall over for a 5 pointer

A lot of people asked me about the length of Richard’s try.

I said it that it looked like a normal try, only shorter, but I bet there will be some exaggerations in length from the big man.

   

  

The Try # 3

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No one is sure who scored the 3rd try today.

But we know someone did, because the final score says so.

In these very rare circumstances, the Match Reporter gets officially recorded as the try scorer.

   

  

The Turning Points

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TP1. Campo “the fox in the henhouse” starting for Oxton.

The first half was all Sefton. 19 unanswered points.

TP2. Campo swapping back to his Sefton team for the second half.

Now it was Oxton’s turn. 14 unanswered points.

I don’t think you need to be a plumber to work out that there is a leak somewhere.

   

  

The New Brendo?

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I saw these guys before the game.

Like 2 peas in a pod.

Brendo muttering behind his hand (as if the cameras were on him), young, impressionable Louis eagerly lapping it up.

Not really sure what it was about, but Louis wandered surreptitiously to a muddy area of the carpark, and grabbed a handful of sloppy mud.

It only clicked after the game, when Louis came into the changies, brandishing his immaculate Sefton top, with a muddy handprint on the back, proudly stating, “I’m getting more involved now Campo”.

   

  

The Old Brendo

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Bloody Brendo is amazing.

He’s all, “Can I come to Malta?? Can I come to Malta?? I’m 35 now, you have to take me now!!”

“Ok Brendo”, I say, “its like £230 for the Tour, before flights”.

And now he’s like, “Oh, I don’t think I can come now”.

I mean, what does he think it is? A magic holiday?

Today he was deemed null and void, with the ref cancelling all throw ins. Brendo only has one job, at number 2 in the lineout.

   

  

The New Anger Management?

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We are all shaking our heads.

Are the drugs finally working?

Has the new wife finally settled him?

It seems that Gez has finally settled down.

In a game that brought much frustration, for it was like playing at Twickenham, Gez kept his head.

We are now to refer to him as “Game Management” * Gez: He plays 50 minutes, then pulls himself off.

Today, of course we had the usual Trainee Anger Management, Dobie, doing his usual “passive aggressive” commentary, but both teams were very impressed with the petulant, young Antony Hawksford.

Clearly waking up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, and accidently forgetting to put on the Number 5 attachment on his hair clippers, Antony seemed intent to vent a lot of frustration.

After a number of warnings from the ref, it was decided to voluntarily take Antony off befor there was a Yellow Card.

Maybe the “Family Safe Search” Internet Setting at his Uni digs hasn’t helped.

* And no, that is not to even remotely to be construed as “Gay Management”!

    

     

Injuries

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As usual, we had the Hamling Knee Saga.

This week, I think he almost made it to the second halve before having to be carried off.

(His therapist had told me that all James really needs is some attention, and a hug).

Everyone else seemed ok (I don’t think tiredness can be classified as an injury, sorry Gez).

 

Injury Update:

A lot of people * have been enquiring how McCleary has been after his career shattering knee injury a few weeks ago.

It is sad that Chris should never play again, but at least he had a go.

I asked him about the false confidence that wearing stockings can give you, and Chris said, “Sadly, wearing those sheer, skin tight, shiney stockings doesn’t make you impenetrable”.

* Actually, no one has asked.

 

Strange Behavior:

Crazy scenes today! I know Liverpool is a Maritime City, but we are a long way from the Mersey,and we witnessed what could only be described as a floundering fish out of water during the game today.

The floundering, flapping fish appeared to be wearing a Sefton number 15 shirt, thrusting its horizontal body skywards when the ball came near it.

Someone was heard to observe that it nearly disappeared up its own backside.

The fish had a hint of a hairy top lip, dark curly locks, and caused Mr Lancaster (senior) acute embarrassment.

 

   

Prognosis

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The spririt shown by both teams today was impressive, certainly we’ll have to get out our set squares and work on our line out throwing, but generally, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

What wasn’t too impressive, was when Blandie’s taxi came to get him.

Naturally Blandie knew of my Number 61 option, but there was no offer of a lift.

I was even more disappointed when his lovely, sweet and innocent. 5 year old daughter came up and called me a ‘bus wanker’!